Wistful

I was under the impression that crawling was going to change my life. Well at least my son's life. I was convinced that there would be this milestone that the heavens would part and say, congratulations!

I was very disapointed when that did not happen.

I was astonished when my son turned one. I mean had it really been an entire year?! This absolutely could not be possible since yesterday I was holding him in my arms after the nurse brought him to me. I could not think that my little boy was approaching toddlerhood and I've just spent the last twelve months raising him. I will say that when he did turn one we had a huge party and that felt as close to the heavens saying "congratulations" as possible.

I also thought that when my son started walking that the Mayor of Frederick was going to come over to my house to present me with the keys to the city because I had just helped my son accomplish the biggest accomplishment a human can make.

And when it didn't I began to wonder if anyone actually cared that my child is doing these great things?

I keep hoping that every little thing that he does such as crawling, talking, taking steps, throwing food off his plate onto the ground would be nationally recognized and the live audience in my living room would "ooh" and "ahh" over him clapping his hands when he sings along to if you're happy and you know it on "Your Baby Can Read"  which I add my little review down at the bottom. I guess watching Jon and Kate which is now Kate plus 8 has really warped my view on how much people don't watch my life.

Surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

I truly thrive on those moments and I really feel bad for those parents that don't get to enjoy it. It took a lot of work on my end to truly appreciate it too. I read a lot of baby books. A LOT of baby books. At the end of Alice's pregnancy I was the Encyclopedia Brown on babies! (fantastic series if you're looking to get your child into mysteries!)  I could tell you about different ways to handle colic all the way up to what happens when your partner's water breaks in an elevator! I knew the five genetic markers to look for when looking for down syndrome in Utero and I pretty much had Dr. Seuss' book  Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go!: A book to be read in Utero memorized by the time Sam arrived. Yep, I knew it all. And after all this work I've put in to be a good dad, to be a prepared dad, to be an excited dad, I felt no connections to this child. I spent hours staring at him while he was asleep saying to myself, "he's your son, he's your son, he's your son, he's your son..." over and over until the words sounded more like, "son heyore me bob" and I couldn't piece the sentence together. A lot of dad's go through this and at first it really bothered me. I truly believe (besides breast feeding) that a dad can do anything that a mom can do. So why is the instant bond and love lacking in the father? Alice once said that she's been literally attached to this baby for 10 months so it's only natural to see the kid after all that time he's been hiding away! I found as the weeks went past that it wasn't about trying to find this Vulcan mind-melding technique (quick sidenote: my spell check didn't recognize the word Utero but recognized Vulcan. 10 bucks says that guy who wrote the spell check program is a major dork!) but rather establish a bond that only a father can have with his son.

I can't tell you how to do that! 


It's probably the biggest piece of advice a dad can give an expecting dad, yet it's a case by case basis. I know that it's something that you work on but careful not to strain yourself. You want to feel connected to your kid and you want it immediately! I say, focus on the love that you want to have for your child and focus on the idea of being a father. Also, constantly stare at him. For me, having Sam open his eyes and smile at my face was the first step that I'm getting it right. He's recognizing me as his dad and it one day just hit me that I'm recognizing him as my son. And when that subconscious thought becomes conscious you really do feel like a father. So I don't need you President Obama to land Air Force One on my lawn and congratulate me on having a son (although, why didn't you damnit!) because I know that no-matter what my child is doing, he knows who is going to be there for him, take care of him and love him. My ipod will play "Hail the Conquering Hero" in the background and I'll make Alice throw confetti on us, as my son and I dance around the living room. There's my fanfare and that's all I need.


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Thumbs Up
 Your Baby Can Read (5 DVD Set and more)

It's hard to tell if this is actually working for him as he's so young still and still hasn't put into motion the whole speaking part of life. I will say that he watches with eyes glued to the TV especially when a word like "clap" appears. I do believe he is understanding words, whether he can say them or not, but he understands the action. These videos really do break down each word and help the child learn through repetition and explanation. Common children songs are on here, "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Happy and You Know it" but it adds to the playfulness and encouragement of learning can be fun! We try not to let him watch more than an hour each day or one DVD so I don't know how much of that is slowing him down. I just assume that it might take him a bit longer than an older child to learn all of these words, but his brain won't melt from staring at the television for three hours a day!

Printer

An excellent printer for the at home office. I have some experience with printers, both laser and ink jet through my time with FedEx Kinkos. This is one of my favorite at home printers. I think the actual speed of black and white is incredibly impressive (31 ppm)  and the color is ridiculously close behind (25 ppm). The thing that I really appreciate about this printer is the ease of buttons that are on the front console. They tell you exactly what you need to know without confusion. The brightly lit screen really helps as well. A couple of the Brother models boast low energy, fast document feeders and wireless networking, but their screen is so small that the simple tasks are hard to do because you're squinting your eyes to read the command! The HP is incredibly simple to use and it's actually quite light! I definitely think HP got this model right and I work with Macs! Very Mac friendly which just makes my life so much easier!

romance

I'm standing in the rain last night with Alice. We have an umbrella over our heads and the patter of the rain around us is the only sound going on. We're staring at the street light at the edge of our street and watching the cool rain cut through the light. I'm not the biggest fan of rain but being huddled under our tiny umbrella watching it, feeling it and listening to it I gotta admit it was incredibly romantic.

And I am a big fan of romance.

Soaking it all in, I really hope that there are  people out there doing exactly what we were: being a couple in love. I know I'm getting so very sappy and no need to worry about me going into a juvenile Tom cruise moment of jumping up and down on Oprah's couch declaring my love, but I do really enjoy these times. I love having time to just fully appreciate being in a relationship and sharing something as simple as an umbrella. It's really those little things. I always make the statement that the little annoying things break up couples but I also believe that little wonderful thongs make the relationship worth it. And standing under that umbrella in the dark with only a streetlamp to illuminate the falling rain, that little moment really became a big memory to me.

I said earlier that I hope other people are doing exactly what we're doing and I meant it. I believe in our ability to love. We want companionship, friendship, romance, excitement, connection. We want someone in our lives to share our lives. And at the end of the day, when the stress is gone, when the lights have gone down, and the temperature is a little cooler, nothing makes you smile brighter than staring at your loved one under an umbrella, in the dark with only a streetlamp illuminating the falling rain.


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Thumbs up: 


These are as simple as you can get! But my child absolutely loves them! It has probably been the most consistent toy that he has played with throughout his life. The focused concentration on his face as he stacks each block up and then figures out the pattern, shape and size is absolutely astounding. There are so many other brighter, fancier, expensive toys out there. This is a simple toy that really helps your child practice "get it right". I recommend this as a great toy for your child to buy or a great toy to buy someone else's' child!

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Thumbs down:

I will not go as far as to say Parents magazine teaches us nothing! In fact most of the information in it provides quite a good resource for raising children... if you're a mom. Parents magazine still cannot get it through their head that it takes TWO parents to raise a child. Personal views aside about single parents, if you live in a household where two parents are raising children, yeah, the magazine needs to cover both sides. I don't want to hear about how they put in these snippy articles of how dad came home early from work and took Jonny and Sidney out to the zoo and earned himself "father of the year". No self-respecting dad should want to be categorized like that. And if you are raising your kids for that kind of award well fuck you! Be a parent and not a trophy holder! And that is what Parents magazine needs to get through their heads. There are no helpful dad sections! There are no articles from a father's perspective. Help us out here! Maybe if you do, I won't just browse through your stupid magazine waiting in line to pay for the groceries I'm buying in my weekly shopping trips for my family!

Nostalgic

Got hit with the nostalgic bug the other day. I'm looking at a friend of mine photos of all the amazing places she has been in the last two years. I just remembering thinking that was my dream. Travel the world. See every possible sight out there. Have that cliche world map in my room with pins in all the places I wanted to visit. I think how I wish I had the time to see all of these. I wish I had the energy and the life to do it. As another friend had once said to another friend when he claimed that she wasn't in the "real world yet" "I don't have a 9-5 job true, but I have been to over 22 countries, lived in three of them, worked in four, made friends that will stay with me for the rest of my life and established at least 14 different connections of international status including ambassadors. So yeah, I have seen more of the real world than most!"

I don't know about you but that's bragging rights there.

I know how wonderful my life is and I'm not complaining one bit. The point is,  Since moving out of my parents I have couched surf, lived in my jeep (awww, I miss my jeep now too!) traveled up and down the east coast, moved from Virginia, to Maine to Maryland again, seen all kinds of palaces and laid all kinds of girls. I have finally found a place and time where I can call home again and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And even though i have declared that, believe it and stand by it, I just have those moments where I look at these places and I think of what it would be like to take a picture with the pyramids behind you, or the tower of Pisa, or the Louvre or the yadda yadda yadda! I'm a traveler at heart and yearning to travel beats inside of me. And I know that o will get to these places and when I do I will have a family to share it with. I am so excited about the future of being able to take a picture of Sam with big Ben behind him. These thoughts really help me realize of the kind of man I'm becoming and really wake me up to the fact that I'm part of my family. The great thing about dreaming about seeing the world is that now my dreams include a family to share it with. 


And that's my bragging rights.






Sophie is the greatest toy in the world... if you're not my child. But everything about the giraffe is amazing as far as the organic material, the squeak sounds (which are apparently suppose to encourage your child to bite her, idk) the smell and the texture. For some reason, my kid didn't find Sophie interesting at all. My viewpoint: if I'm paying $17.25 for this toy he damn well better start being interested! Meanwhile, a friend of mine daughter won't put the giraffe down and it is rated one of the best toys for infants so I say give it a shot. Or get a $2 teething ring and call it Sophie to keep up with the Jones'.