have you ever felt alone? Alone in a way where you were miles from your family, friends and people who knew your name? Where the only friends you had were Joey, Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe? Alone enough to muster up the courage to go to the movies by yourself. Alone as in the first person you met you jumped at the chance of being friends with (no matter their unchecked baggage you failed to examine before conversing). You really felt like an unknown element (science final exam studying!) and if you dropped off the face of the planet, not a soul would realize you were gone.
When I look back, i am extremely grateful that isn't my life. Not that I was depressed, I was just lonely. I had no one to hang out with. I lived in the attic of some house talking to no one. Facebook was just realizing its potential; My Space was getting really big and other than that, I watched Friends episodes from season one to season ten and back again everyday. I worked a graveyard shift so I was always sleeping during the day and when drinking time started I had to go to work! I mean, I really had nothing. I was completely alone.
I can 200% say that I am so happy my life is loud and excited now. I don't get a moments peace and for the time being, I really enjoy that. Back then I remember thinking how great it was to have peace and quiet and really just enjoy my thoughts and the music from my 15" powerbook. I actually had a sweet sound system too that I could fill the apartment with until my bitchy neighbors below me raised a fit about it! I just remember thinking that this was what life was all about and i was finally an adult!
Then I grew up.
I learned that life isn't about being independent and away from things that you love in hopes of being a man. Life is about experiencing new things, learning new things and wanting new things. When life throws you lemons, you make a f'n filet Mignon because that's what it's about! trying something new! I also learned that you gotta stick true to JLo's "Jenny On the Block." Remembering where you came from, not to humble you but to remember that your life should only get better. If it's not, change it! Life should continue to give us more and more and when we aren't getting anything out of it, we need to change paths. Reach out for new adventures. We should always strive to experience new sensations.
that is why i continue to remember Maine. it reminds me of how much better my life is now. My son (and soon to be daughter) and my soon to be wife have all enriched my life. A life i never would have if I stayed up there. I wonder if I would still be alone? It doesn't even matter to me because I am not alone. My life is full of flavor and I want to always add more so that it's never dull. So yes, I know what it's like to be alone and I also know that I will never experience that feeling again.
