Recap

A good friend of mine just sent me a top ten list of things that have happened to him and his family in 2009. I thought, damn! what a great idea! So, to completely plagiarize his idea, i'm listing mine. (and I got bored with just black type so I colored it make it more kid friendly.)

10. Starting a chain of events that led me to move to Frederick. It wasn't a pretty couple of weeks and a very close call in keeping my job, but in the end I'm happier than ever. I miss Columbia quite often but Frederick ended up being a happier work environment for me and helped me get out of my funk! (if you're curious to know what happened you can always read the blog from April!)

9. Moving in with Alice. We really began to start our family and our lives together and discovered new things in our relationship. I still remember having nothing in our place but an air mattress and a lamp! And now, we can't move without tripping over all the crap laying around! Also along those lines, becoming a Co-Director with Alice. Another new change in our relationship and work status. Not only did we live together but we worked together as well! We see each other every second of the day. For some it would drive them crazy but for us, it makes us stronger. I don't know what I would do without her.

8. Alice's sister and nieces moving back to the States. What a great way to kickoff the summer! Having those two little girls in my life has certainly enriched it and entertained it! It has been so very cool to meet them, get to know them and spend time with them.

7. Rekindling and keeping in touch with friends. I know it's cheesy but over the last few months, I have really needed to reach out and hold on to all the close friendships I've had and developed. It keeps my sanity sometimes to remember people who care even if they are far away.

6. Chicago. It's always nice to get back in touch with the close friends I have there. Even though I see them once a year, we always pick up right where we left and have some really fun times!

5. New York City. Basically Alice and I's first trip together. She was cold, I was chilly and we had an amazing time. It was an incredible feeling to be in an exciting city with the woman I love and in a city I love!

4. Half Marathon. I took the leap and ran one! It was an incredible feeling to finish one of those.  Just crossing that finish line and seeing everyone cheering for you was a really incredible moment and I loved it.

3. Moving out of Baltimore. I called this place home for 3 years and had a great roommate and I still miss her terribly. It was time to go become a grown up and I left kicking and screaming!

2. Ashley and Fesh's wedding. Another great time to spend with family and friends. Although getting licked by a tall man was something I don't really want to repeat anytime soon! And of course it brought Alice and I closer together.

1. Sam. I'm sure you all guessed that much! But seriously, he was the biggest joy to my life. He is everything a father could want from a son. Walking into the room and having him show off the biggest smile is a feeling that is indescribable. Having him is a joy that only being a parent can you truly understand. I still cannot believe that he's all mine (and Alice's) and I get the honor of raising him.

Something about looking back on all of the things that have happened over the year just makes you wonder what you'll change and what you'll struggle to keep the same. I know there's a lot of things going on right now with our economy, health plans, war, housing, taxes etc. but I am enjoying everything that has been happening. 


It has been one hellva ride this year and for me, I've got a pretty good seat belt. 


I just hope that life will continue to escalade and not plateau because I like to think I have plenty more thrills coming along. I wish you all the very best holidays (Unless you're Jewish and your holiday is over in which case I say, hope it was a good one!) and a Happy and Healthy New Year. Auld Lang Syne and that. Make the resolutions or break them but bring in that New Year with joy and love. As always, I hope to hear from you all on everything that is going on. You know how I like those updates!

Presents

What the hell do you give a 5 month old on his first Christmas? What traditions do you set? These are my questions. I have no idea how to celebrate this holiday any more! I need help! I'm freaking out on what are the best ideas for his first Christmas and he is more concerned about what happened to his bottle! Honestly. But I feel like holding this huge party in his honor! This is a big moment for him even if he doesn't realize it! This is one of the biggest holidays in our culture and being its his first, I should do something. Maybe dress up as Santa, drink egg nog, climb down a chimney?! I just am so excited about celebrating this wonderful time with him I can't think straight!

Art

Finally! After months upon months of waiting to give this wedding present to Matt and Meg, FINALLY! I've given it to them. Which means that I can finally post the picture on my blog without worrying if they'll see it before I give it to them. I think they liked it. I hope they did.

Let me know what you think. If you like it definitely let me know! If you don't like it well screw you! It took a while! Just kidding, I always welcome constructive criticism. Hah, I don't. I hate it. Just write that you think it sucks and we can go about our day. While I plot your demise.

THANKS!

Dadler

I think Dadler is some sort of magazine or online thing, totally checking it out if it is, but there are rules for mom's and dad's that I find hilarious and so very true. I'm sure some of you can relate to this and I just want you all to know that I did NOT create this list!

The Dadler: 10 Rules for slamming other parents

Posted by Scott Adler in Babies, Children and happiness, Dads, Parenting, Preschoolers,The Dadler, Toddlers | December 16th, 2009 | Trackback

Parks can be dens of judgment

I don’t care how understanding and open-minded you are, part of the pride of parenting is leaning back and absolutely trashing the other parents in the world, even your best friends.

Of course, parents do this bashing – myself included – because the arrival of the baby revealed the stark and simple truth that as a parent – myself included – you have zero clue except for the blasting, north-star knowledge that parenting is really, really hard and that, well, you’re incompetent at it.

So like any good person stuck between a rock and hard place you go on the offensive. Assaulting the lack of values, talents, skills, and patience in those other moms and dads makes you feel better — at least until you get slammed.

And that’s where these rules come in. It’s just not fair for some people to make judgments – unless they can.

You can print these out and hand them to other parents and people you think might be judgmental…

Rule #1:
If you have no children (especially if you have no children and are over 56 years of age), keep your trap shut.

Rule #2:
If you are a childless teacher, please, only call me a rat-bastard after you’ve spent a snowy 24/7 schooless week trapped with your two students that are my spawn.

Rule #3:
Got just one kid and I’ve got two? Then stow it sister until you too can name the pleasures of two kids pooping at the same time … at the park.

Rule #4:
If your kid slept through the night from birth, please don’t share your technique.

Rule #5:
If you have three kids and have it all down, don’t pooh pooh a first-time parent’s neuroses. You once agonized about nipple shapes and nap schedules too.

Rule #6:
Got a newborn who has yet to do anything but poop and eat? Don’t dare telling me I’m bad for at least another 16 to 18 months (seriously, don’t even think about it).

Rule #7:
If your parents live next door and watch your kids when they’re sick, help with homework, and cook dinner, you’re not allowed to give me the evil eye when I don’t volunteer to co-chair the preschool auction. I’m already doing it all!*

Rule #8:
Angelic toddler who says, “Please” and doesn’t destroy anything? Please remember that most kids who are wild turn into lovely teenagers and most sweet, angelic toddlers wind up hellions during high school. Or at least I’ve been told.

Rule #9:
If you can quote Alfie Kohn, Harvey Karp, any Dr. Sears, Ferber, Ayelet Waldman, Neal Pollack, or Elizabeth Pantley, good for you. If I want to drink the Kool-Aid, I’ll let you know.

Rule #10:
If you’ve got two grown kids who were troublesome toddlers and yet still love you and are in great colleges, please, tell me the secret.

So, am I missing anything? Let me know.

*Thanks to Amy Graff of San Francisco Chronicle’s “The Mommy Files” for reminding me about this very important rule.

Like what you’re reading? Bookmark “The Dadler” and don’t miss a word.

Photo: “Swing!” by Gabriel Rocha

Trance

Another thought I had when I was in Chicago.

I was sitting or standing on the pier facing lake Michigan in Chicago. It was a beautiful fall night, a rarity in Chi-Town. Typically at this time you can expect the winds to be living up to the reputation of the windy city (which actually gets it's nickname from the bragging politicians of the 1800s and just so happens that it is in fact very windy!) I'm staring at the dark water and you can't see a single thing out there. It's like staring into the night sky and wondering what's in that huge universe. My thoughts were a little more down to earth. I began to think of my son. And more than just bringing him out here to watch the water or see the hustle be bustle of the greatest city in America! No, I'm thinking about all of the opportunities that I want give him. Trips to the history museum, the Smithsonian, the air and space, new York city, the empire state building, the statue of liberty. And it went from these actual places to just teaching him how to walk, to read, to love. Just teach him what it means to be an American!

And then my mind really exploded!

I could see him right in front of me. I could see this little guy ( who didn't have a face or facial features buy I'm sure he was mine!) running down the pier. He as picking up sticks, boldly walking around with his chest puffed out along the edge with me warning him to be careful. He has his blue jean jacket with his red shirt under and a pair of corduroy pants with his brand new Chicago cubs (hey hey whatdya say, the cubs are gonna win today! go cubs!) hat in his head! I could see him trying to skip a round flat rock he found lying in the ground, trying so hard to figure out how to make it jump across the water like his dad did.

I could see him next to me as were leaning in the guard rail staring out at absolutely nothing asking a hundred questions about boats, water, and god knows what else.

Reflect

This actually happened a couple weeks ago when I was in Chicago.

I get these random dad moments.

Like this past weekend I'm watching the water (lake Michigan) and I just miss him. I want to see him so bad! I'm tired of just talking about him. I want to hold him, I want to make him smile, I want to feed him change him and cuddle him. I miss my family. That was the other thing. I'm a family man now! Holy cow, every decision I make and do has to be run through the family! I have responsibilities' my friend mike brought up a good point: I don't feel old. I feel like I stoops growing and the rest of the world kept going. I hit 22 and that's all. I didn't get any older an yet here are these children that are like 19 now! What the hell? My campers from the first year I was a camp counselor are applying to college! When did that happen?! I mean, weren't they just finishing up their first summer like me? I guess when you get older your life sort of tapers off. I don't mean you have nothing to look forward to, quite the opposite! But time becomes so much more routine and you're not rushed to learn how to drive, buy cigarettes, vote, get into a bar, you rally have it all. And at that point there are less and less milestones to go. You become so drone like in your routine in life that it completely catches you off guard when you realize you are having a child and then BAM! He's born and then all of a sudden he can smile and then now he can roll over! Oh yes, Sam has learned a new trick!

It's just so crazy how if you were to pay attention to these children you would really see them grow up and know that they go from 10 to 11 to 12 and so on. But as you don't have such contact with them they really go from 10 to 18 so quickly that you have to stop and check to see if 8 years really has gone by! Absolutely absurd.

The point of that tangent, I feel more and more like a dad each day, as I watch Sam grow and how often I think about what is best for him and how I'm going to raise him. I want to make sure that he grows at a progressive age line and not skipping years without me noticing! I just want to make sure I always be active in his life.

Marathon

So My sister ran in the Marine Corps Marathon this past Sunday. I thought it would be a lot of fun to take Sam down to see her do it. We took the metro and he loved it! No joke, he was standing on my leg peering out the window watching the skyline rush past us. It was incredible. He would bounce up and down and just stare as everything would fall behind us. It was very cool. Took a few pics of it as well. We get to Rosalyn and holy hell! It is pack like no other!

tangent: we were sitting in our seat when a lady sat down next to us and Sam looked at her and smiled. He just kept staring at her and then we get to the metro stop and she gets up. He starts to fuss and he's getting cranky and looks up to see her still looking at him and he stops right away and smiles! Hah, such a ladies man!

Tangent 2: I was telling this story later on that evening to Alice's father and Alice added the comment, "Patrick was like, 'at least we know he's not gay!'" which her mom is, and her dad says, "he gets those lady watching genes from me!" and I said, "to be fair, he could have also gotten them from Alice's mom!" oops! and we're back in.

So yeah, this event was so crowded and we're only down in the subway terminal. We can't move and they're corralling us like cows getting ready to meet our ancestors! My parents had said when they arrived earlier that the escalator's had stopped working. Rosalyn's a good 100 yards straight up by stairs. And with a baby? Wow, this was going to be fun. However, the escalator had been fixed by the time we got there and so Sam and I rode up, single file, to the top and got out. And what was waiting for us?

PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE!!

To give you an idea of how many people were in this city at this moment, the race had over 30,000 runners. So imagine, each one of them bringing at least 2 family members. Then imagine 2/3rds of them bringing 2 family members and friends. Then imagine 1/2 of those people bringing 2 family members and friends with children. Yeah, it was pretty ridiculous. The nice thing was that you could definitely move. It wasn't like 95 traffic where you're not sure if you're going to move or just sit there. Everyone was on the go. It was such a spectacular event though. People were all around hugging and laughing and cheering. There were bands playing, food vendors, other people selling stuff. Very chaotic but very controlled. A guy who must've been at the finish line was talking through the speakers, interviewing a few people here and there that just finished (I swore I heard him interview my old band director) and calling out people who crossed through the finish line. You could hear stories from some passerby's about how they had someone run with them or talk with just keep them going. A very inspirational time!

I arrived at 12:15ish. I was expecting Colleen to be finished around 12:30 but turns out she didn't finish until 1:30. I had to be back in Frederick by 4:00 so we could pick Alice up and go to her dad's at 4:30 for dinner. It took me 2 hours to get to Rosalyn. So I'm guessing I had to leave by 2. So I literally saw Colleen, gave her a hug, took a picture, told her congrats and goodbye. Just not enough time in my busy life! Sam and I started walking back to the Metro and met a wonderful crowd! And this time, it was like 95 traffic. It was not moving! So we are stuck in this mess and when we slip into the middle of it all, Sam decides that now is the perfect time to scream his little head off! I don't know if he was hungry, tired, tired of being in the bjourn, or scared of being stuck in with all of these people, but these were loud, ear splitting screams! I didn't know what to do! So I did the first thing that popped in my head: I smacked him across the face over and over, until he slumped unconsciously on my chest!

Just kidding!

I left the metro. We sat down and I gave him a bottle to eat which he unenthusiastically ate. I then began to think that he wouldn't handle that crowd and I had no choice but to ride the metro. I figured that if we could walk to the next metro stop then he might be calm enough to enter. Also, there might be less people at that stop. So we started walking.

Foggy Bottom is the next stop. Which is basically 2 miles away. Carrying a baby. And a diaper bag. Awesome. The thing that sucks the most about this part is that walking all that way only got me 1 metro stop up! And the train was still packed! We couldn't sit down and he started to cry again. But I was like, i have no choice here! People are just going to deal with it. At one point I was leaning over to feed him a bottle as he laid in the bjourn to drink. I wasn't about to take him out and set him down or carry him and then have to start trying to get on the train. There weren't a whole lot of options at this point! But once we started to move Sam calmed down a lot. And then when we got on the red line there were less people and a nice lady (who offered Sam a cookie!) let us sit down. The last stop before ours he started to cry so loud that the people sitting in front of me got up and walked to the opposite side to sit down. But as soon as they left he stopped so those people probably smelled bad anyway! Our stop was next and we were home!

And that's the story of how I met your mother. back at frederick. and we were late.

Brake

I need to slow down!!

holy crap! I have been going non-stop lately! All i want to do is reach the end. I stepped back tonight and realized that so much has happened to me lately that I forget to slow down and look at what has been happening. Just take a moment to look at what has happened and enjoy it.

I've been talking to a few people in my past life in the last couple of days and thinking wow, I want to have a few more kids and I want to take them to park. I dream about taking them on a trip and taking a million pictures and having a birthday party for them. Even closer to home, I imagine Sam's first birthday. Even closer to that, I picture him walking and talking. I just can't seem to wait for it! I forget how exciting his life is right now. I get all wrapped in what will happen in the next few years that I lost focus of what he's doing right now. Laughing. And smiling. Just moving about grabbing onto his identity in this crazy world! It's so cool. I'm forgetting that at this moment, it's exciting, it's fun and don't lose it. I know that when I'm older I'll look back at it and just wish I could relive that moment. But then I completely forget about it when I see all of these other children laughing and playing with their friends. I just seem to to get lost in the future that I can't bring myself back to the present. Not only him, but I hear about all these fun trips that my retired friends are taking and I want to do that! I'm not even in a job where I can start planning retirement! But here I am, making plans about what to do and where to go.

STOP!

focus on what is now! just enjoy your life. Thrive in your life. That's the message I find myself repeating over and over to myself to keep it in check. You have a great life and you're missing it! I plan my wedding, my honeymoon, my vacations, my dream job, my retirement. I plan it all. And all I really want to do is calm down, breathe and jump into my current situation. It's great. It's awesome. Relax. It's here for you and you need to get down in it.

I am just feeling so very fast-paced right now. There is just so many possibilities coming my way that I get wrapped up in it. I guess part of it has been that I'm so curious as to what Sam will do when he gets older. Will he be a sports guy? Will he be an artist, a musician, an actor, a model (let's face it, the kid is gorgeous!) or something else? What will it be. Alice and I spend hours on end talking about what talents he'll have and what should we get him involved in. I guess that's the big thing. We plan for his future, not so much direct his life, but what can we expose him to? I know that I want him to experience everything! That thought sweeps me away from the now. And it's time to just stop running and start walking. You see a better view that way. Be the snail. While the rabbit might be the first to take the lead, the turtle did enjoy life a lot more. Hell, the rabbit fell asleep. We get that moral wrong all the time. It's not about slow and steady win the race. It's not about who crosses the finish line first, it's who enjoyed the journey getting there. Slow and steady is a metaphor for people who took time to breathe in their surroundings and thrive in them. I think about that and I realize that I can barely remember the last 3 months of what happened to me. I need to just relax. The things that I'm planning will come. Enjoy the journey of getting there. Don't be so anxious. Laugh. Love. Live.

I just want so much for myself and I'm afraid if I slow down I'll miss that chance. There will be others though right? There will be other trains that come along. I said a month or so ago that I was afraid of saying goodbye to a lot of things. I'm thinking with the way that I'm headed, that I'm passing through so much forgetting to say goodbye. And that's why I'm not ready to let go of it. I've been deprived of saying goodbye because I flew past it without doing that. But taking the time to get there and enjoying it and cherishing it will enable be to say goodbye properly. That's my new goal. Slow down and enjoy what I'm doing with my life. Planning is good. I'm a planner. I'm a futurist. But don't get so wrapped in the future. Don't get so wrapped up in plans that you miss what's right in front of you. Remember that.

That's what I wanted to say.

P.S. Cranberry ale is made. Give it a few more days and then I'll be second fermenting it. Can't wait! Hope it tastes alright. I'll let you know. Again, can't wait! Hurry up beer! Have I really learned anything?

booooring!!

I said I would write some more and that's what I'm doing!

Blogging is a lot like twitter. But I've never seen twitter so I can't compare. Twitter is stupid. And it bothers me that everyone does it. But from the sounds of it, it's retarded and I don't like being retarded. For more info go to http://current.com/items/91075172_twitter-worth-a-billion.htm about retarded it is.

That sentence was retarded.

I really wish I had things to talk about today.

Writing is very uneventful. I'm slowly going back to starting graphic design work. I'm offering freelancing opportunities and then I'm going to pursue some actual jobs. I really need to get my website back up. I should probably figure that out! But I'm just kind of learning what I need to do to survive in this world. I think that was it goes along, I will eventually figure out what I'm trying to accomplish but not right now. Right now, it's time for spending time with my family and raising my son and just being a good dad and boyfriend.

This post sucks! I told all of you to start reading and here I am with super lame-o post!

I am making my cranberry beer today! I'm going to call it Cranberry Hoppin Daddy! haha, but it's going to be a sweet, hoppy tasting beer. I hope it's good. If it is, you know the recipe will be on here! Okay, I'm gonna get ready to do that today and spare all of you from reading anymore. I swear the next post will be interesting.

And more pics!

He's so small in these!

Gimme a kiss!

seriously, are we taking another picture?!

Strive

So I'm slowly deciding on taking a writer's approach to life. I will be trying to write more frequently and more on a concentrated subject: Parenthood. I think that a person in my line of work reach out and let other's know that there are men out there that strive to be a good dad. They strive to make sure they offer the very best for their children. I want to be able to talk more and more about it.

Not only that, I want to enlighten people about being a dad without having the ring on their finger. We look at the country we live in and more than 50% of those people have children without being married. That right there is a sign that there will be many lost people out there who think that no one is there for them. I want to be able to say, "hey, it's okay. I'm here for you" without the pretense of judgement, or arrogance, or even condemnation. We need to feel safe about the choices we make. Sorry, safe is a bad word to use here. I'm not going to be more a conservative but let's admit it. They call it an accident for a reason. We didn't plan on having a child, it was an accident. Let's not blow that word out of proportion! Society takes us to call our child an accident like a sin. We are tarred and feathered for accusing our baby for being born before any martial status has occurred. Condemn us for doing what everyone else is doing! I apologize for engaging in premarital sex and for doing what every person does when they are in a relationship. The only difference between us is I have proof that it happened! Not so much a very fair thing in our lives to do. Life wasn't meant to be fair to anyone (except a few people I've met in life who have it all! Those lucky sons of bitches!) but it has a very distinct way of working out.

I take back what I said earlier. I don't apologize for engaging in premarital sex. It was wonderful and it caused us to have Sam. And for a society that 50% of marriages end in divorce why would we want to go through a bunch of different hoops only to learn that we weren't meant for each other and drag Sam through custody battles and yadda yadda. It works the way we want it to work and we'll go from there. I'm not so naive to think that we're immune to those situations but if we had rushed getting married, I definitely think we would have a lot of stress on our hands right now. As the case, we're doing very well and I'm anxious to talk about it.

So I'm trying to write more and I promise that I will post more on here (more than once a month) but I need to figure out some stronger and more powerful things to talk about than just my day-to-day life. I am going to focus on that. Goal for the week: list things that you see or are interested in talking about and research more. Also, try and record some of your dreams. They are really neat and have good content in there but you forget in the morning. So work on that. Above all, I write my story and no one else. And because I write it, I get to decide what I do or don't. Not a society, not my family, and not the media. My choices and I'm proud of the ones I've made so far. Ears open, mind open, heart open and let's go!

Also, I'm brewing a Cranberry Ale and an Apple Cinnamon beer. I will let you know how they go and then post. Here's a few more shots of Sam.

How cute is he?! Answer: Very cute!

THE FAMILY!!

we look soooo good!