goodbye

There are plenty of things that I look back upon and just reminisce and miss. I realize that a lot of my past was hard for me but I also realize how much of it I enjoyed and how much it meant to me. There are so many memories that flood back to me about Wigwam, High school, College and being single that I keep going over in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love my life now and I love Alice and my baby boy. I just sometimes wish I could relive some of the old days and just remember how it felt to be so carefree and so irresponsible. The thing I worry the most is, will I ever have a chance to be irresponsible again? Will I have that chance to just not give a damn and just do something fun, something spontaneous, something out of the ordinary? And if I do, will I regret it forever? I just don't think that will ever come around again. I don't see it as being a bad thing. But I wonder if I'm at the point of just saying goodbye to a lot of juvenile activities and start being a dad. Start being a role model. I over think a lot of things and this is definitely one of them, I just really think I need to take some time and say goodbye. Goodbye to being a camp counselor and drinking at night with the guys. Goodbye to taking random trips to Chicago, Maine and California. Say goodbye to long sleepless nights and drinking until sunrise and drinking so much coffee you shake for hours! Goodbye to googling over women with your buddy at the bar and hitting on the bartenders. Goodbye to doing whatever you want to do.

Goodbye to being free.

Now if you're judging that last comment please remember that losing your bachelor freedom is not a bad thing. You do lose it. But what have I gained? A family. A new life? Someone who loves me. A child who will idolize me. Yeah, it's not a bad thing to lose it. All I'm saying is that, a lot of these things which I took for granted kind of were ripped away so quickly that I never got to say goodbye. So, if you see me doing something stupid, thinking of dumb things and saying ridiculous words, please remember that I'm taking the time to say goodbye. This is my therapy. Simply to slowly let it all unwind out of me and slowly just let it all sink in that I am a family man. I am a father. I am a boyfriend. I am something that's more than just me. Not a bad thing at all.

So Goodbye freedom. Goodbye single life. Goodbye randomness. Goodbye selfishness. Goodbye irresponsibleness. Goodbye laziness. Goodbye.

I'm waking up to becoming a better human being.

SUCK IT!