holy crap! I have been going non-stop lately! All i want to do is reach the end. I stepped back tonight and realized that so much has happened to me lately that I forget to slow down and look at what has been happening. Just take a moment to look at what has happened and enjoy it.
I've been talking to a few people in my past life in the last couple of days and thinking wow, I want to have a few more kids and I want to take them to park. I dream about taking them on a trip and taking a million pictures and having a birthday party for them. Even closer to home, I imagine Sam's first birthday. Even closer to that, I picture him walking and talking. I just can't seem to wait for it! I forget how exciting his life is right now. I get all wrapped in what will happen in the next few years that I lost focus of what he's doing right now. Laughing. And smiling. Just moving about grabbing onto his identity in this crazy world! It's so cool. I'm forgetting that at this moment, it's exciting, it's fun and don't lose it. I know that when I'm older I'll look back at it and just wish I could relive that moment. But then I completely forget about it when I see all of these other children laughing and playing with their friends. I just seem to to get lost in the future that I can't bring myself back to the present. Not only him, but I hear about all these fun trips that my retired friends are taking and I want to do that! I'm not even in a job where I can start planning retirement! But here I am, making plans about what to do and where to go.
STOP!
focus on what is now! just enjoy your life. Thrive in your life. That's the message I find myself repeating over and over to myself to keep it in check. You have a great life and you're missing it! I plan my wedding, my honeymoon, my vacations, my dream job, my retirement. I plan it all. And all I really want to do is calm down, breathe and jump into my current situation. It's great. It's awesome. Relax. It's here for you and you need to get down in it.
I am just feeling so very fast-paced right now. There is just so many possibilities coming my way that I get wrapped up in it. I guess part of it has been that I'm so curious as to what Sam will do when he gets older. Will he be a sports guy? Will he be an artist, a musician, an actor, a model (let's face it, the kid is gorgeous!) or something else? What will it be. Alice and I spend hours on end talking about what talents he'll have and what should we get him involved in. I guess that's the big thing. We plan for his future, not so much direct his life, but what can we expose him to? I know that I want him to experience everything! That thought sweeps me away from the now. And it's time to just stop running and start walking. You see a better view that way. Be the snail. While the rabbit might be the first to take the lead, the turtle did enjoy life a lot more. Hell, the rabbit fell asleep. We get that moral wrong all the time. It's not about slow and steady win the race. It's not about who crosses the finish line first, it's who enjoyed the journey getting there. Slow and steady is a metaphor for people who took time to breathe in their surroundings and thrive in them. I think about that and I realize that I can barely remember the last 3 months of what happened to me. I need to just relax. The things that I'm planning will come. Enjoy the journey of getting there. Don't be so anxious. Laugh. Love. Live.
I just want so much for myself and I'm afraid if I slow down I'll miss that chance. There will be others though right? There will be other trains that come along. I said a month or so ago that I was afraid of saying goodbye to a lot of things. I'm thinking with the way that I'm headed, that I'm passing through so much forgetting to say goodbye. And that's why I'm not ready to let go of it. I've been deprived of saying goodbye because I flew past it without doing that. But taking the time to get there and enjoying it and cherishing it will enable be to say goodbye properly. That's my new goal. Slow down and enjoy what I'm doing with my life. Planning is good. I'm a planner. I'm a futurist. But don't get so wrapped in the future. Don't get so wrapped up in plans that you miss what's right in front of you. Remember that.
That's what I wanted to say.
P.S. Cranberry ale is made. Give it a few more days and then I'll be second fermenting it. Can't wait! Hope it tastes alright. I'll let you know. Again, can't wait! Hurry up beer! Have I really learned anything?
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