Dadler

I think Dadler is some sort of magazine or online thing, totally checking it out if it is, but there are rules for mom's and dad's that I find hilarious and so very true. I'm sure some of you can relate to this and I just want you all to know that I did NOT create this list!

The Dadler: 10 Rules for slamming other parents

Posted by Scott Adler in Babies, Children and happiness, Dads, Parenting, Preschoolers,The Dadler, Toddlers | December 16th, 2009 | Trackback

Parks can be dens of judgment

I don’t care how understanding and open-minded you are, part of the pride of parenting is leaning back and absolutely trashing the other parents in the world, even your best friends.

Of course, parents do this bashing – myself included – because the arrival of the baby revealed the stark and simple truth that as a parent – myself included – you have zero clue except for the blasting, north-star knowledge that parenting is really, really hard and that, well, you’re incompetent at it.

So like any good person stuck between a rock and hard place you go on the offensive. Assaulting the lack of values, talents, skills, and patience in those other moms and dads makes you feel better — at least until you get slammed.

And that’s where these rules come in. It’s just not fair for some people to make judgments – unless they can.

You can print these out and hand them to other parents and people you think might be judgmental…

Rule #1:
If you have no children (especially if you have no children and are over 56 years of age), keep your trap shut.

Rule #2:
If you are a childless teacher, please, only call me a rat-bastard after you’ve spent a snowy 24/7 schooless week trapped with your two students that are my spawn.

Rule #3:
Got just one kid and I’ve got two? Then stow it sister until you too can name the pleasures of two kids pooping at the same time … at the park.

Rule #4:
If your kid slept through the night from birth, please don’t share your technique.

Rule #5:
If you have three kids and have it all down, don’t pooh pooh a first-time parent’s neuroses. You once agonized about nipple shapes and nap schedules too.

Rule #6:
Got a newborn who has yet to do anything but poop and eat? Don’t dare telling me I’m bad for at least another 16 to 18 months (seriously, don’t even think about it).

Rule #7:
If your parents live next door and watch your kids when they’re sick, help with homework, and cook dinner, you’re not allowed to give me the evil eye when I don’t volunteer to co-chair the preschool auction. I’m already doing it all!*

Rule #8:
Angelic toddler who says, “Please” and doesn’t destroy anything? Please remember that most kids who are wild turn into lovely teenagers and most sweet, angelic toddlers wind up hellions during high school. Or at least I’ve been told.

Rule #9:
If you can quote Alfie Kohn, Harvey Karp, any Dr. Sears, Ferber, Ayelet Waldman, Neal Pollack, or Elizabeth Pantley, good for you. If I want to drink the Kool-Aid, I’ll let you know.

Rule #10:
If you’ve got two grown kids who were troublesome toddlers and yet still love you and are in great colleges, please, tell me the secret.

So, am I missing anything? Let me know.

*Thanks to Amy Graff of San Francisco Chronicle’s “The Mommy Files” for reminding me about this very important rule.

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Photo: “Swing!” by Gabriel Rocha