Bros

I've never had a best friend. I guess I've had a series of intense good friends and some that have come increasingly close, but never a best friend. i have friends of course and i have people who are closer to me than others and all that. But i've never really had someone who has always been there, who relies on me the way i rely on them. I watch television shows and movies and sometimes the occasional documentary where these people just unify themselves with one another and coin the term "best friend" and I just feel gipped. Like I've missed out on something extremely important. I miss the hanging out at a bar with best friends, planning trips together, starting a cappella groups together (okay, i only did that once! We called ourselves the Men In Plaid!.. sometimes I have to convince myself I'm not gay...) I haven't had a hard life by any means, quite the opposite. I just feel that I have never been able to share every single moment of my life with a best friend. 


Now guaranteed this blog is brought upon because of watching How I Met Your Mother the other day. Watching Barney, Ted and Marshall  I get to a point where when I get married I don't know who I would have as my best man. I have quite a few people on my list who would meet that category but no one person stands out above the crowd. I guess in some sense it's a good thing. I have all of these friends and acquaintances that I could list to be a contender to stand by my side when I'm up at the alter. But I would have a hellva time narrowing that list down. There have been many people in my life that have done extraordinary things for me. Things that I could never ever repay. I know that some people I owe my life. I guess that most of these "bros" have always been in relationships and i've always been that third wheel.


it really started back in high school. Actually to be more specific eighth grade. I have known Matt since kindergarden but didn't really become good friends with him until around eighth grade. Before it was always band, occasional basketball games and classes. But now, we really started a friendship. We literally played basketball at his house everyday for a year. I think his record was like 96 games to 1 that he kicked my ass! I wasn't very good. But then he went and screwed it all up by dating some girl when we got to high school. His first real girlfriend. So naturally he was crazy about her and stopped hanging out as much. Friday became date night and no more sneaking into R rated movies or hanging out with other friends. I would call him up and he was on the other line with this girl or she would call and he would just forget he was talking to me. It became a lonely freshman year.


And then they broke up!


I've made my case for marriage and love and commitment and all that bullshit. But seriously, when you're a single guy in his first year of high school, yeah, you need a bro. So Matt breaking up with his girlfriend was kinda a big deal. And we grabbed onto that friendship like it had never been tainted and continued on being best bros and dominating the world. 


And then he started dating someone else!


After that first girlfriend he was continually dating someone. Not hookup after hookup of course, but a steady stream of girls until he met Meg. Meg was an unbelievable nightmare to bachelor life because she's freaking amazing. Obviously I stood no chance against her magnificent powers of seduction and "relationship-ness". But being young and stupid I tried to keep up this close bond with Matt and continually tried to get him to be a bro and not a relationship zombie. In the end I failed and they got married. Sigh. Exit Matt.


It's never a question of do i support marriage and love because it's always "yes I do". I'm a huge fan of people finding each other and proving to the world that commitment is real. I have always said that Matt and Meg have been my generation's definition of love and commitment and I still stand by that. They have what I've always wanted and hope to eventually have. Just being a single guy for so long and trying to find a BFF to ignite all of my shenanigans every night has been tough when your supposed BFF has gone off and committed himself!


But coming over to a few years later I meet John. Now in John's defense he was already in a relationship when I met him and it has always been about the two of them. So it didn't even have to cross that point of, "goddammit, he's found someone!" I knew what I was getting into when I met him. Even still, John became my bro right away and we had an excellent run for a few years down in Harrisonburg, making history or at least some fun stories to tell our kids. We even tried living together for a year (which didn't end so well). In the end I would lose him to the love of his life and now his wife and him have settled down and lost a bit of their youth.


Besides these two men, I have a good chunk of close friends and a lot of people who have implemented themselves into my life. But I have a lot of disappointing stories as well. Many people through the years have come and gone. And I've had a good deal of bros and had a good deal of good times with said bros. But I'm talking about a best friend that calls you up and as Barney so cleverly puts, "SUITS UP!" with him to the next whimsical event that is taking place that very evening. It just got me thinking. Obviously I'm not looking for a new bro because I have a gal now, but it would be nice to look back on my past years and not see how lonely it was. The nights spent when I was in Maine watching back to back FRIENDS episodes; the many number of nights watching Netflicks movies in Baltimore; the few memories I still have of Harrisonburg trying to find some kind of friend to partake in some kind of event that sad little city offered, it makes me a little sad. I then wonder why I'm so sad about it. I have a beautiful son who completes my life, I have a beautiful girl who fulfills my every desire, I keep in touch with a lot of friends that span over a decade. I have a roof over my head, I eat more food than I should and I pretty  much love my job.


I guess in the end, when I look back at those memories when I wish my best friend and I were out trying to be each other's wingman, drinking ourselves stupid or sitting side by side in a holding cell, I guess that's just not the kind of person that I am. It's not the kind of person that I want to be. I have an amazing life and there isn't anything to ever complain about. The only reason I'm writing this right now is because I don't have a best friend to share it with.