Wistful

I was under the impression that crawling was going to change my life. Well at least my son's life. I was convinced that there would be this milestone that the heavens would part and say, congratulations!

I was very disapointed when that did not happen.

I was astonished when my son turned one. I mean had it really been an entire year?! This absolutely could not be possible since yesterday I was holding him in my arms after the nurse brought him to me. I could not think that my little boy was approaching toddlerhood and I've just spent the last twelve months raising him. I will say that when he did turn one we had a huge party and that felt as close to the heavens saying "congratulations" as possible.

I also thought that when my son started walking that the Mayor of Frederick was going to come over to my house to present me with the keys to the city because I had just helped my son accomplish the biggest accomplishment a human can make.

And when it didn't I began to wonder if anyone actually cared that my child is doing these great things?

I keep hoping that every little thing that he does such as crawling, talking, taking steps, throwing food off his plate onto the ground would be nationally recognized and the live audience in my living room would "ooh" and "ahh" over him clapping his hands when he sings along to if you're happy and you know it on "Your Baby Can Read"  which I add my little review down at the bottom. I guess watching Jon and Kate which is now Kate plus 8 has really warped my view on how much people don't watch my life.

Surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

I truly thrive on those moments and I really feel bad for those parents that don't get to enjoy it. It took a lot of work on my end to truly appreciate it too. I read a lot of baby books. A LOT of baby books. At the end of Alice's pregnancy I was the Encyclopedia Brown on babies! (fantastic series if you're looking to get your child into mysteries!)  I could tell you about different ways to handle colic all the way up to what happens when your partner's water breaks in an elevator! I knew the five genetic markers to look for when looking for down syndrome in Utero and I pretty much had Dr. Seuss' book  Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go!: A book to be read in Utero memorized by the time Sam arrived. Yep, I knew it all. And after all this work I've put in to be a good dad, to be a prepared dad, to be an excited dad, I felt no connections to this child. I spent hours staring at him while he was asleep saying to myself, "he's your son, he's your son, he's your son, he's your son..." over and over until the words sounded more like, "son heyore me bob" and I couldn't piece the sentence together. A lot of dad's go through this and at first it really bothered me. I truly believe (besides breast feeding) that a dad can do anything that a mom can do. So why is the instant bond and love lacking in the father? Alice once said that she's been literally attached to this baby for 10 months so it's only natural to see the kid after all that time he's been hiding away! I found as the weeks went past that it wasn't about trying to find this Vulcan mind-melding technique (quick sidenote: my spell check didn't recognize the word Utero but recognized Vulcan. 10 bucks says that guy who wrote the spell check program is a major dork!) but rather establish a bond that only a father can have with his son.

I can't tell you how to do that! 


It's probably the biggest piece of advice a dad can give an expecting dad, yet it's a case by case basis. I know that it's something that you work on but careful not to strain yourself. You want to feel connected to your kid and you want it immediately! I say, focus on the love that you want to have for your child and focus on the idea of being a father. Also, constantly stare at him. For me, having Sam open his eyes and smile at my face was the first step that I'm getting it right. He's recognizing me as his dad and it one day just hit me that I'm recognizing him as my son. And when that subconscious thought becomes conscious you really do feel like a father. So I don't need you President Obama to land Air Force One on my lawn and congratulate me on having a son (although, why didn't you damnit!) because I know that no-matter what my child is doing, he knows who is going to be there for him, take care of him and love him. My ipod will play "Hail the Conquering Hero" in the background and I'll make Alice throw confetti on us, as my son and I dance around the living room. There's my fanfare and that's all I need.


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 Your Baby Can Read (5 DVD Set and more)

It's hard to tell if this is actually working for him as he's so young still and still hasn't put into motion the whole speaking part of life. I will say that he watches with eyes glued to the TV especially when a word like "clap" appears. I do believe he is understanding words, whether he can say them or not, but he understands the action. These videos really do break down each word and help the child learn through repetition and explanation. Common children songs are on here, "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Happy and You Know it" but it adds to the playfulness and encouragement of learning can be fun! We try not to let him watch more than an hour each day or one DVD so I don't know how much of that is slowing him down. I just assume that it might take him a bit longer than an older child to learn all of these words, but his brain won't melt from staring at the television for three hours a day!