Adding to Pinterest

So, I don't really have anything to write about. You would think after almost 2 years of not writing stuff that I would. But in all honesty, I just wanted to add my wedding invite to pinterest and I needed a place to do that. So I'm posting it here! Yahoo. I was pretty proud of my wedding invite (I created it) so I wanted to share it. That's all. Hope you like it!

daddy's girl

I absolutely have to be careful what I write on these blogs these days because A. my mother always checks this thing (especially since she got an iphone and can link these posts up to some fancy schmancy app that she has) and B. as each day goes through with my Master's program, they keep talking about privacy and making your personal life just that. And while i've been recommended making this blog a private thing, I wish to share my opininons and hilarious idioms with the world for all to read. I hope these new regulations that have been put in place don't censor me too much as I love writing and being myself on here. I guess only time will tell.

I really just feel like writing at the moment and I can't really offer too much updated information. My daughter is almost 5 months old. I can't believe it! She's getting so big and so gorgeous so fast! On the other hand, she was born a week before my MAT program started and her 1st birthday I believe will be the day I graduate. So as exciting as it is to say that she's 5 months old, it only reminds me that I have 7 more months of this program left! It really isn't that bad and I'm actually learning a lot more than I ever thought I would. For an education program where everything under the world about teaching is thrust into you for a 7 hour day, you would think it would be difficult to retain a lot of this information. My professor's have really learned how to jam it into you so that you only forget 2/5s of it so I'm guessing that's something! taking notes helps.

Yes, my daughter is amazing. I was sharing this little revelation with Alice the other day. I feel really guilty about my daughter's birth. I always wanted a girl. I love having a son and he is the greatest child in the world (although apparently Frederick's Child doesn't deem him worthy enough to appear on their front cover but whatever!) I just always imagined having a little daddy's girl and just being wrapped around her finger blah blah. I was very pumped to have my son born but it took me so long to connect with him. I think 3 weeks into his life I actually felt like I was his dad and probably another month or two before I felt like my life was completely changing. I really don't know how else to describe it other than, I wasn't carrying a fetus inside of me for 9 months so it felt weird to all of a sudden be in charge of this little being. I saying to Alice that I feel extremely guilty because when my daughter arrived, I felt like a first time dad; as if my life truly began because this is what I was waiting for all my life. I had to force tears out when Sam arrived and I had to force tears to stop when Alex was born. And I just felt guilty that I wasn't the parent I should've been when he was brought into this world.

I guess it's something that a lot of father's deal with and I know I'm not responsible for how I feel, yet, I just felt guilty that on some unconscious level, having a boy wasn't something I wanted and I was showing off my selfish side by not emotionally connecting to him. (I promise I don't feel that way now!) But maybe i did some growing up from Sam to Alex. I can't explain it. I can explain that these two children influences my very existence and I know I will never let any harm come to them. I have learned a lot about my son and I feel as though I've taught him a lot. That sort of time took practice, patience and practice again! I had to learn how to be a father with Sam. Alex on the other hand, well I felt like I was an old pro here and everything she does is perfect. I feel biased on a lot of levels (totally understand my parents saying that they love both my sister and I equally but for different reasons now) and I'm pretty sure that when it comes time to answer the age-old question, "who do you love more?" I'll probably have to answer it, "I will give my love to whomever wins the cage match."

I'm rambling a lot here tonight about guilt and non-guilty items, I just want to make it clear that I love my children and they mean everything to me. I got my daddy's girl and my daddy's boy and I can't complain ever again. What am I going to do when I get another daddy's girl? Kidding Mom!

it'll be a boy.

2011 SUCKS!

For blogging that is.

a little writing to take the edge off...

i have a few minutes to write a bit. a lot has happened since the last time i posted, mainly, my daughter was born! Alexana Colleen Bredland was born May 12th at 8:40am coming in at 6lbs, 15oz, 19 inches and gorgeous. She is about to be 3 months old and she is absolutely beautiful. Her personality is showing a lot quicker than Sam. I wonder if Sam's personality developed slower because Alice and I had absolutely no idea what we were doing and he kept quiet because we were bumbling around so much? With Alex, she seems to know that we are slightly more comfortable so she can cry and laugh without worry that she's doing something wrong? Who knows, but she is definitely something special. She has demands (such as, don't ever put me down!) and she laughs, coos and smiles something fierce.

I started grad school at the end of May. It has been incredible. If anyone knows me, undergrad was not my forte. Sure, i had tons of fun and really made some good friends, but i was not a studious student. In fact, I spent a lot of time making up every excuse under the sun to get out of work! I had different priorities then. I have no more excuses and this time it is full throttle! The other thing that seems to help is that I actually enjoy my classes! That was a big thing back then too; i didn't actually enjoy being in class or spending any time actually listening to the professors talk. I was there because I had to be. Now, I chose to go back to school and I chose the profession. This time it's different and it feels really good!

Between school, kids and occasional work, my life has been hectic. I swear I will try to write more but for all of you reader, maybe you will enjoy some pictures to forget how long it has been since I've written on here (and for how short this post is!)

TTFN.

 

________________________________________________________

Moby wraps are the hot new item! Well they're not that new but they are awesome! This is coming from a dad (and the product is targeted towards women so that should tell you how great it is!) They are so much more comfortable than a Bjorn or any other carrier. They stretch and they accommodate much more than any other product out there. The only issue I've had is the amount of time it takes to set up with it. It's basically a really long piece of fabric that you have to wrap around your body each time. That can take a lot longer (especially if you mess it up!) so that can be a negative. But once you get the hang of it, it's really comfortable to wear for both the child and the parent. I recommend getting them and if you're in the Frederick area, look at Enkore Kids, a consignment store in Boonsboro, because they tend to get them in stock and they're a better price.

don't be fooled by the rocks that I got...

have you ever felt alone? Alone in a way where you were miles from your family, friends and people who knew your name? Where the only friends you had were Joey, Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe? Alone enough to muster up the courage to go to the movies by yourself. Alone as in the first person you met you jumped at the chance of being friends with (no matter their unchecked baggage you failed to examine before conversing). You really felt like an unknown element (science final exam studying!) and if you dropped off the face of the planet, not a soul would realize you were gone.

When I look back, i am extremely grateful that isn't my life. Not that I was depressed, I was just lonely. I had no one to hang out with. I lived in the attic of some house talking to no one. Facebook was just realizing its potential; My Space was getting really big and other than that, I watched Friends episodes from season one to season ten and back again everyday. I worked a graveyard shift so I was always sleeping during the day and when drinking time started I had to go to work! I mean, I really had nothing. I was completely alone.

I can 200% say that I am so happy my life is loud and excited now. I don't get a moments peace and for the time being, I really enjoy that. Back then I remember thinking how great it was to have peace and quiet and really just enjoy my thoughts and the music from my 15" powerbook. I actually had a sweet sound system too that I could fill the apartment with until my bitchy neighbors below me raised a fit about it! I just remember thinking that this was what life was all about and i was finally an adult!


Then I grew up.

I learned that life isn't about being independent and away from things that you love in hopes of being a man. Life is about experiencing new things, learning new things and wanting new things. When life throws you lemons, you make a f'n filet Mignon because that's what it's about! trying something new! I also learned that you gotta stick true to JLo's "Jenny On the Block." Remembering where you came from, not to humble you but to remember that your life should only get better. If it's not, change it! Life should continue to give us more and more and when we aren't getting anything out of it, we need to change paths. Reach out for new adventures. We should always strive to experience new sensations.

that is why i continue to remember Maine. it reminds me of how much better my life is now. My son (and soon to be daughter) and my soon to be wife have all enriched my life. A life i never would have if I stayed up there. I wonder if I would still be alone? It doesn't even matter to me because I am not alone. My life is full of flavor and I want to always add more so that it's never dull. So yes, I know what it's like to be alone and I also know that I will never experience that feeling again.

Fashion Show! Fashion Show at Work!

Okay, I lied. This has nothing to do with a fashion show. Other than showing off our fashion of being trendy in our store selection in Frederick!
I will say this once:  

WE NEED AN IKEA! 

Besides being tired of driving over an hour to get to one, I think it would definitely boost our economy and job opportunity. Please, let's convince DLC Management Corp to tear down that god forsaken building that's called Frederick Towne Mall and put something useful and profitable!
Here's the link to make a difference:

http://www.change.org/petitions/put-an-ikea-in-frederick-maryland

and yes, this is important! Be the change!

(i photoshoped an IKEA where the mall used to be. This is not an actual photo!)

putting the y in try.

I am trying here. I am trying to be a good father. I am trying to be a good fiance. I am trying to be a good student. I am trying to be a good neighbor. I am trying to be a good person. Lately, i have felt that the weight of everything that I am supposed to be trying in has gotten heavier and my strength is failing. I guess trying too much just leads to being more tired. Even after all of my trying I still don't feel so accomplished. I guess I am waiting for that moment in my life where I hear, "hey! you're trying really well and I appreciate you." Appreciation. What a nice thing to have. Sometimes i lose sight of that. Sometimes i don't feel appreciated at all. I miss the days when I would lead a birthday party and I would have parents coming up to tell me how special I made this day for their child. I would have parents of the parent's child's friends (yep, i just did that!) come up and say how amazing I am with the kids. Those days have gone. To be more specific, the appreciation for their appreciation is gone. I don't feel satisfied after running a successful party. I don't feel accomplished or even appreciated. All I feel is irritation and annoyance for having to work a child's birthday party on a Sunday.

I am trying not to be negative. There I go again with the word try. Try this and try that. I feel like I just try all day. I would like to change it from try to succeed. I succeeded in not being negative. I succeeded as a father today. I succeeded in being a good fiance. You can see how this pattern continues. I just want accomplishment in my life and I want to share it with everyone around me. I think if I get through this Masters program I will introduce myself as, "Hi I'm Patrick, graduate of Frostburg State University's Masters of Arts in Teaching." What a long sentence! I can add that to the others: I succeeded in being a father. I succeeded in getting married. Success is evidence of trying and I would like to be able to say I did that.

Why try? Why put in all of this effort and see nothing for it. I am just starting down a long road called fatherhood and I love my son very much but it is a difficult road. It is a road where tough choices are being made and a sense of maturity is expected in order to be a good role model. I have to be a person who watches out for someone, feeds them, hugs them, disciplines them, loves them, bathes them, laughs with them, cries with them, and ultimately be there for them. It's a lot of pressure to make sure you do a good job. It's actually enough pressure to make you take two Advil to relieve your migraine that begins when you start thinking about all of this. Trying is something that I guess I just have to do. And whether a good or bad outcome is the end result, I have no choice but to give it my best and hope for the best.

Perhaps I am missing something. Perhaps it is not just the beginning and then the end that matter. Everything in between can be a very long journey if you don't have something to award it with. Perhaps I am missing the steps that take you from trying to success. Perhaps I need something to recognize what I am going through. A checklist if you will. Something that offers these little success from the first step of trying to the last step of success. With these little steps maybe then I won't feel like I am wasting my time or why I am doing this. Perhaps this little success steps will help me get to the end on a more positive note. To reiterate, I don't feel like trying is a bad thing, I just feel so overwhelmed with everything I have to try in, that I am seeing more obstacles than opportunity. Maybe that is what I need to focus on: acknowledging the steps of my effort and celebrating it. Maybe that is what I need to feel better about who I am and what I am doing in this world.

Or maybe I just need to grow up.

without effort.

I really feel bad about not writing much these days but I lack words. I'm trying to think of something really insightful but I keep coming up blank. I guess I am just sort of writing words that jump from my brain to my fingers and forming sentences. Not even good sentences. That was one right there. And that was another one. Okay, I'm done.
Buy Adele's new album.

if it's collaborative why i am i writing this all by myself?!

Okay, so I haven't written this in a while but I have a really good excuse! I have been writing up the wahzoo for my intro portofolio to get into the Master's of Arts in Teaching program at Frostburg and I have been pouring my soul out so that they know how right I am for this program. I figured while I was writing about how my dedication to the field of education is a collaborative bridge builder i would share what i wrote with you all. I hope this also gives an insight to how much work this thing is taking and it's only the intro. THE INTRO! All this work and I might not even get into this program. However, I hope this small taste of what you read will be enough to get my foot into that proverbial front door.

In this portion i have to explain a life experience that is collaborative. I have chosen to write about raising Sam. Sounds like something two people would have to collaborate on right?! Well here we go!

I want to spend this portion describing my biggest accomplishment and share with you how it has helped me grow as a teacher and as a man. To do this I need to give you a little history of how it all started.

My fiancé and I met in Boston in the summer of 2008 for a conference. If there was such as a thing as love at first sight then we definitely met that cliché. We both worked for the same owner of My Gym (I was assistant director in Columbia, Maryland and she was Co-director in Frederick) and yet for the past 2 years that we had worked for our owner, never once did we meet. I’m sure there are a million reasons why she never introduced us (it never crossed her mind, we lived in different cities, she didn’t like us that much, etc.) whatever the reasons were, it was a true shame because the two of us are incredibly similar. Needless to say, when we met at the airport for the first time to fly to Boston, we shook hands and the rest became history. We spent the entire weekend talking about everything under the sun; from My Gym to relationships to addictions, we never ran out of exciting and interesting topics to talk about. We spent most of the conference engaged in our own conversations and to this day I have never met someone as interesting as she.

We fall madly in love so very soon after starting to date that is actually took us by surprise. We thought this would be a casual dating experience and within weeks of meeting, we were driving the 77.15 miles between us every night after work to be with each other. I think at the time it was some sort of romantic fantasy of mine to meet someone and prove my worth by driving the distance and calling that my dragon. It sort of becomes a misty haze when I try to fathom my reasons for why we gave so much to the oil companies during those first couple of months in our relationship. The only thing that I knew was that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

On October 24^th, 2008, I heard two words that completely changed my life: it’s positive. I nod my head at this right now as I reminisce the dumb waiter falling down my stomach and my jaw hitting the ground. Actually, reliving it, I’m surprised I didn’t faint. I am going to be a father. I am sure many of us have witnessed that happy occasion where the man and woman hug with tears coming out of their eyes. I promise you that was not us. In fact, I wasn’t even in the same room as my fiancé. We were working when she took the test. After the initial shock wave calmed down and I was able to actually count my pulse, my mind decided to hit me with another shock wave, this one filled with questions: we love each other but how much? I’ve only known this person for three months what if it doesn’t work out? What have I gotten myself into? I’m too young to raise a child and I have this career going on, what do I do? Every fear was racing through our minds. What could we do? So we took a couple of deep breaths, said I love you, hung up the phone and went back to our Halloween parties at our respective gyms and put on a happy and very much needed brave face.

Over the next 9 months, we spent a lot of time learning even more about each other than before. First we had to meet our significant other’s parents and break the news. Well it took a little bit longer than the first meeting but I won’t get into those details. We checked off taking a vacation together on our chimerical list, shared holidays, I even job transferred down to Frederick to live together. We had so much uncertainty going against us the only certainty we had left was that we loved each other enough to try. Our son was born on July 14^th, 2009 and to this day, he is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Raising a child with a person I am just beginning to know is my biggest life experience. And there are plenty of mistakes made on both of our parts and learning to be a father and a mother is an experience itself. We have spent a lot of time talking about what approach we will take in terms of discipline, nurture, nature, even as far as cloth diapers and elimination communication. Both parents involved have opinions and we have worked through our opinions to collaborate on the best choices for our son. I am new at this dad stuff but I do believe that is what being a parent (and a man) is all about. It has been our goal that my fiancé and I have always put first: His well-being is more important than being right. As our son grows I begin to think perhaps our relationship is stronger because of having Sam so fresh into it. Some may claim that can be a downfall and I am sure statistically speaking it is a reasoned risk. For us, it gave us a new chapter to spend countless hours into the night discussing. How would we raise our son? What sports will he play? What will his interests be? Will he have his mother’s beautiful smile and his father’s wit? Will he laugh a lot or cry a lot? These were only the first night’s questions. As I said, we spend a lot of time talking about him.

I know there will be many life experiences that I will encounter, some of which will slap me in the face as soon as I start the MAT program. I believe that raising a child has been a big enough experience to give me confidence that I can handle anything that comes my way. Raising a child is a collaborative activity and I believe that if I can find a way to successfully raise my son, I can find a way to educate another man’s son. I am hoping as time goes on that I will continue to have that sense of accomplishment and hopefully make my son [and fiancé] proud.

A picture is worth 1001 words

This blurb was stolen from my long lost friend Susan. I commented back to her about this and it made me think some more. 

sfck said... "This year I want to take more pictures and actually print them out. I want to take the time to transcribe the feeling I had when I took that picture. There are so many wonderful moments I've captured, and the only reason I can experience the depth of that moment, is through the simple words that were outlined below. Even now, looking through college pictures is getting harder. I am starting to forget people's names and only barely remember their familiar faces. One day I will miss so many things I take for granted right now. I will crave to be standing in the shoes that cover my feet. But when I see this picture and read the words that bring the memory back, I will feel comforted in knowing that I took the time to document it well. This is a high resolution, and it will definitely take a concerted effort, but I'm ready for a new challenge.

The blog will continue to document these journeys."



The passage made me remember how much has gone through my life and how I've treated it like water. It just passes by me and i don't even blink. Even now with my son, how much time has gone by and I've just missed him growing up? While I've been with him every step of the way (including his actual steps!) i just feel as though life has breezed through without realizing I'm here. Sam will be 18 months on Friday and with that realization I start trying to remember what he was like when he was 15 months/12 months/ 6 months/ when he was born. It's like waking up from a foggy dream. You are trying to remember the details but really you can just pick the settings and the surroundings. And that extends past the child raising years. After reading Susan's attempts at remembering faces I look through my old college photos and try to remember these people. I can still remember most of them and remember what we were doing inside the picture. (I think I have a filing cabinet for a memory sometimes because I can be really good about remembering these sort of things!) For me, it isn't about trying to remember who these people are or where I was when the photo was taken. For me, it's about the feelings that I felt when the pictures were taken. How happy I was or how frustrated. Was that photo a lie? Did we try and attempt a Norman Rockwell painting and create this candid shot of everyone there happy and full of life? Or was it the truth. 

As I said in reply to Susan's blog, i think the photo can be a lie. At that moment, I think the essence of who we were was captured but not the correct sequence of events? There is a picture from college of a buddy of mine and I in mid struggle, posing in our wrestler moves. We look like two guys just having a great night and practicing being best friends. An hour before I had stupidly admitted to a girl that I had really deep feelings for her and she shot me down. So this buddy and I went out to a party and proceeded to "forget my troubles." But no one knows that about this picture. It's a cover-up shot, something to make my life look happier than it really is. These pictures shade the truth because when we're older we don't want to remember feeling sad or depressed, rather, we want to remember how much love we had in our lives and how we got something out of it. Something that made living this long worth it.

I look at these photos and I do remember pretty much everyone. There were a couple names who escaped me (but being that I probably have no less than 2 degrees of separation from them, i'm confident I could find out who they are!) Regardless, I'm not too concerned with remembering them. I think sometimes we surround ourselves with people who are in our proximity but not necessarily ones who will bring us higher up in life. Especially in college, your next door neighbor or your roommate was someone you hung out with not because they were going to be your BFF but because they were assigned to you and their availability was convenient. Not to say those relationships don't become strong over the years, but it's not so important to remember these people's names but to hold on to the fact that you know at that moment the picture was taken, you felt happy/sad/curious/relieved whatever the emotion was. at the end of our lives, our feelings are all that really matter and not how many people we befriended on facebook, or how many social gatherings we were at. We practice our emotions all throughout our lives and taking pictures remind us of how easy it is to do it. Enjoy knowing that your practice has paid off and the faces that you can remember are probably for a good reason.




_____________________________________________


It should be the voted the best movie of 2010. It was that good! The ideas behind it really make you think and the end was just a great way to wrap it up. DiCaprio really puts his whole self in each of his movies and this was definitely no disappointment! Ellen Page was a great addition and seeing her in a new light away from her Juno days gave her a lot of respect as an actress. I am really impressed that Hollywood is still able to bring out these movies that can make you think, captivate you and touch you. If you want to know more about the plot please let me know!

what are your resolutions?

So one of my new years resolutions has been to keep up with my Grateful journal. Grateful journal you ask? What in the world is that? Why it is a book that each day i write one thing that I am grateful for. The thing I really like about this book is that it doesn't have to be something really meaningful. One day I can write how thankful i am that i found my blue socks to match my blue pants or other days i can say how thankful i am for peanut butter. it's really cool to be able to express myself in a way that doesn't have to involve a lot of thinking. (let's be honest here people, i don't do too much of that!) it does give me the chance to have a more positive attitude on my life. i find so much negativity and a lot of that comes from me. i know that i have a sarcastic dry wit about me and a lot of that humor that expunges from my mouth is making fun of others or insulting the ones i love. i think that i create this bubble around me to ensure that people don't get too close. i really don't know why. you would think it would have something to do with people always leaving me throughout my life but that really isn't the case. i guess i like an air of mystery surrounding me and keeping people at bay offers that? who knows. i think that it in effect is creating a situation where i negatively see the world. i would like to be a little more positive. Hence, the grateful journal. Why not try out something that really helps me be a more positive person and maybe in turn my bubble will slowly start to evaporate!
Any other thoughts on resolutions? My 2011 plate is looking pretty full right now so I would appreciate easy ones!

___________________________________________________________________

This is a really good book but I have no more use for it. I don't know if you know anyone who needs it for school but I am trying to sell it. If by chance you go to Amazon look for trikbstudios (my account) and click on my book! I would really appreciate it.

christmas card 10

Bright Blue Snowflake Christmas Card

Personalize the christmas season with Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

I'm starting back up! It's been too long!

What?! My last post was like 3 months ago?! That's crazy! I'm sorry to my one reader aka. my mother for not updating this! I've been going back to school this fall and writing all these papers really leaves little time for writing other things. Although, I do have a lot to say!

I decided that I am foregoing my one word titles on here. It was a dramatic idea but really, a really long title can do just as much damage so why the hell not?!

I got engaged a week ago. Thank you. While I was getting ready for the big moment, I've been spending some time about how you get from one point to the other. and who is to blame? I'm going to spell out a timeline for you: here I am with my family that I have created. Alice, Sam and I living in our little house and having grand adventures. Wait, how did I get here? What exactly did I do to reach this moment? Let's see: having sam led from meeting alice which i got from working at my gym which never would have happened if i hadn't gone to maine which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't worked at the camp which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't sold books which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't gone to JMU which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't seen their marching band in ninth grade. it all comes down to ninth grade. that's when i started my life. interesting.

I found following this timeline really fun because I can trace it back so far! I guess that's why people are obsessed with genealogy and why I never had that luxury. I guess I had to find something to entertain myself.

I guess what I was thinking is that it isn't so much that I started at one point and arrived at another but that each point I arrived at, I had a choice to go one road or the other. I can look at each of these steps that I took and remember that I made those choices to go down that path and not the other one. When it comes to Maine, I was actually between that and Boston. But I felt that I wasn't ready for Boston and that Maine was a more comfortable approach. With Alice, I was at a point where I could pursue a relationship with her or stay in Prauge which I might still be had it not been for her. My Gym happened because I was in Maine but returning back to Maryland I was on the fence with either going full time in Columbia or pursuing a chance to teach English in Korea. I decided to stay close to my family and friends rather than live in a place where I potentially could have been completely isolated. These are the roads that I am talking about! You control your fate. I control my fate. It isn't written, we weren't destined to meet, I choose my path and I accepted the responsibilities that came with it. Could I be at a different place in my life? Absolutely! But it's not like a choose your own adventure where later on you can go back and read about the other path that you could've taken! This is your life and if you don't like it, change it again! We don't get to go back but work to changing the future. And while I look back I really enjoy tracing the path. But, I am not interested in grabbing the nearest time machine and changing certain events in my life (well maybe I wouldn't have bought that levatron from FAO Schwartz in high school...) but seriously, I am only interested in reminiscing about the good times. I love where I am at and I can't wait to see what lies ahead.

Couple of items of interest for you:

Decision Points
The Gift
Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation

Wistful

I was under the impression that crawling was going to change my life. Well at least my son's life. I was convinced that there would be this milestone that the heavens would part and say, congratulations!

I was very disapointed when that did not happen.

I was astonished when my son turned one. I mean had it really been an entire year?! This absolutely could not be possible since yesterday I was holding him in my arms after the nurse brought him to me. I could not think that my little boy was approaching toddlerhood and I've just spent the last twelve months raising him. I will say that when he did turn one we had a huge party and that felt as close to the heavens saying "congratulations" as possible.

I also thought that when my son started walking that the Mayor of Frederick was going to come over to my house to present me with the keys to the city because I had just helped my son accomplish the biggest accomplishment a human can make.

And when it didn't I began to wonder if anyone actually cared that my child is doing these great things?

I keep hoping that every little thing that he does such as crawling, talking, taking steps, throwing food off his plate onto the ground would be nationally recognized and the live audience in my living room would "ooh" and "ahh" over him clapping his hands when he sings along to if you're happy and you know it on "Your Baby Can Read"  which I add my little review down at the bottom. I guess watching Jon and Kate which is now Kate plus 8 has really warped my view on how much people don't watch my life.

Surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

I truly thrive on those moments and I really feel bad for those parents that don't get to enjoy it. It took a lot of work on my end to truly appreciate it too. I read a lot of baby books. A LOT of baby books. At the end of Alice's pregnancy I was the Encyclopedia Brown on babies! (fantastic series if you're looking to get your child into mysteries!)  I could tell you about different ways to handle colic all the way up to what happens when your partner's water breaks in an elevator! I knew the five genetic markers to look for when looking for down syndrome in Utero and I pretty much had Dr. Seuss' book  Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go!: A book to be read in Utero memorized by the time Sam arrived. Yep, I knew it all. And after all this work I've put in to be a good dad, to be a prepared dad, to be an excited dad, I felt no connections to this child. I spent hours staring at him while he was asleep saying to myself, "he's your son, he's your son, he's your son, he's your son..." over and over until the words sounded more like, "son heyore me bob" and I couldn't piece the sentence together. A lot of dad's go through this and at first it really bothered me. I truly believe (besides breast feeding) that a dad can do anything that a mom can do. So why is the instant bond and love lacking in the father? Alice once said that she's been literally attached to this baby for 10 months so it's only natural to see the kid after all that time he's been hiding away! I found as the weeks went past that it wasn't about trying to find this Vulcan mind-melding technique (quick sidenote: my spell check didn't recognize the word Utero but recognized Vulcan. 10 bucks says that guy who wrote the spell check program is a major dork!) but rather establish a bond that only a father can have with his son.

I can't tell you how to do that! 


It's probably the biggest piece of advice a dad can give an expecting dad, yet it's a case by case basis. I know that it's something that you work on but careful not to strain yourself. You want to feel connected to your kid and you want it immediately! I say, focus on the love that you want to have for your child and focus on the idea of being a father. Also, constantly stare at him. For me, having Sam open his eyes and smile at my face was the first step that I'm getting it right. He's recognizing me as his dad and it one day just hit me that I'm recognizing him as my son. And when that subconscious thought becomes conscious you really do feel like a father. So I don't need you President Obama to land Air Force One on my lawn and congratulate me on having a son (although, why didn't you damnit!) because I know that no-matter what my child is doing, he knows who is going to be there for him, take care of him and love him. My ipod will play "Hail the Conquering Hero" in the background and I'll make Alice throw confetti on us, as my son and I dance around the living room. There's my fanfare and that's all I need.


_______________________________________________________________

Thumbs Up
 Your Baby Can Read (5 DVD Set and more)

It's hard to tell if this is actually working for him as he's so young still and still hasn't put into motion the whole speaking part of life. I will say that he watches with eyes glued to the TV especially when a word like "clap" appears. I do believe he is understanding words, whether he can say them or not, but he understands the action. These videos really do break down each word and help the child learn through repetition and explanation. Common children songs are on here, "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Happy and You Know it" but it adds to the playfulness and encouragement of learning can be fun! We try not to let him watch more than an hour each day or one DVD so I don't know how much of that is slowing him down. I just assume that it might take him a bit longer than an older child to learn all of these words, but his brain won't melt from staring at the television for three hours a day!

Printer

An excellent printer for the at home office. I have some experience with printers, both laser and ink jet through my time with FedEx Kinkos. This is one of my favorite at home printers. I think the actual speed of black and white is incredibly impressive (31 ppm)  and the color is ridiculously close behind (25 ppm). The thing that I really appreciate about this printer is the ease of buttons that are on the front console. They tell you exactly what you need to know without confusion. The brightly lit screen really helps as well. A couple of the Brother models boast low energy, fast document feeders and wireless networking, but their screen is so small that the simple tasks are hard to do because you're squinting your eyes to read the command! The HP is incredibly simple to use and it's actually quite light! I definitely think HP got this model right and I work with Macs! Very Mac friendly which just makes my life so much easier!

romance

I'm standing in the rain last night with Alice. We have an umbrella over our heads and the patter of the rain around us is the only sound going on. We're staring at the street light at the edge of our street and watching the cool rain cut through the light. I'm not the biggest fan of rain but being huddled under our tiny umbrella watching it, feeling it and listening to it I gotta admit it was incredibly romantic.

And I am a big fan of romance.

Soaking it all in, I really hope that there are  people out there doing exactly what we were: being a couple in love. I know I'm getting so very sappy and no need to worry about me going into a juvenile Tom cruise moment of jumping up and down on Oprah's couch declaring my love, but I do really enjoy these times. I love having time to just fully appreciate being in a relationship and sharing something as simple as an umbrella. It's really those little things. I always make the statement that the little annoying things break up couples but I also believe that little wonderful thongs make the relationship worth it. And standing under that umbrella in the dark with only a streetlamp to illuminate the falling rain, that little moment really became a big memory to me.

I said earlier that I hope other people are doing exactly what we're doing and I meant it. I believe in our ability to love. We want companionship, friendship, romance, excitement, connection. We want someone in our lives to share our lives. And at the end of the day, when the stress is gone, when the lights have gone down, and the temperature is a little cooler, nothing makes you smile brighter than staring at your loved one under an umbrella, in the dark with only a streetlamp illuminating the falling rain.


__________________________________________________________________


Thumbs up: 


These are as simple as you can get! But my child absolutely loves them! It has probably been the most consistent toy that he has played with throughout his life. The focused concentration on his face as he stacks each block up and then figures out the pattern, shape and size is absolutely astounding. There are so many other brighter, fancier, expensive toys out there. This is a simple toy that really helps your child practice "get it right". I recommend this as a great toy for your child to buy or a great toy to buy someone else's' child!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Thumbs down:

I will not go as far as to say Parents magazine teaches us nothing! In fact most of the information in it provides quite a good resource for raising children... if you're a mom. Parents magazine still cannot get it through their head that it takes TWO parents to raise a child. Personal views aside about single parents, if you live in a household where two parents are raising children, yeah, the magazine needs to cover both sides. I don't want to hear about how they put in these snippy articles of how dad came home early from work and took Jonny and Sidney out to the zoo and earned himself "father of the year". No self-respecting dad should want to be categorized like that. And if you are raising your kids for that kind of award well fuck you! Be a parent and not a trophy holder! And that is what Parents magazine needs to get through their heads. There are no helpful dad sections! There are no articles from a father's perspective. Help us out here! Maybe if you do, I won't just browse through your stupid magazine waiting in line to pay for the groceries I'm buying in my weekly shopping trips for my family!

Nostalgic

Got hit with the nostalgic bug the other day. I'm looking at a friend of mine photos of all the amazing places she has been in the last two years. I just remembering thinking that was my dream. Travel the world. See every possible sight out there. Have that cliche world map in my room with pins in all the places I wanted to visit. I think how I wish I had the time to see all of these. I wish I had the energy and the life to do it. As another friend had once said to another friend when he claimed that she wasn't in the "real world yet" "I don't have a 9-5 job true, but I have been to over 22 countries, lived in three of them, worked in four, made friends that will stay with me for the rest of my life and established at least 14 different connections of international status including ambassadors. So yeah, I have seen more of the real world than most!"

I don't know about you but that's bragging rights there.

I know how wonderful my life is and I'm not complaining one bit. The point is,  Since moving out of my parents I have couched surf, lived in my jeep (awww, I miss my jeep now too!) traveled up and down the east coast, moved from Virginia, to Maine to Maryland again, seen all kinds of palaces and laid all kinds of girls. I have finally found a place and time where I can call home again and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And even though i have declared that, believe it and stand by it, I just have those moments where I look at these places and I think of what it would be like to take a picture with the pyramids behind you, or the tower of Pisa, or the Louvre or the yadda yadda yadda! I'm a traveler at heart and yearning to travel beats inside of me. And I know that o will get to these places and when I do I will have a family to share it with. I am so excited about the future of being able to take a picture of Sam with big Ben behind him. These thoughts really help me realize of the kind of man I'm becoming and really wake me up to the fact that I'm part of my family. The great thing about dreaming about seeing the world is that now my dreams include a family to share it with. 


And that's my bragging rights.






Sophie is the greatest toy in the world... if you're not my child. But everything about the giraffe is amazing as far as the organic material, the squeak sounds (which are apparently suppose to encourage your child to bite her, idk) the smell and the texture. For some reason, my kid didn't find Sophie interesting at all. My viewpoint: if I'm paying $17.25 for this toy he damn well better start being interested! Meanwhile, a friend of mine daughter won't put the giraffe down and it is rated one of the best toys for infants so I say give it a shot. Or get a $2 teething ring and call it Sophie to keep up with the Jones'.

Review

So I'm trying out this new Amazon link that i've got going on now. If it goes well then hopefully i will get some extra money here and there. The bad news is that I have to start promoting my blog more and more and adding more people into my life! oh well, that's the breaks.

Fantastic Camera! You get Nikon people who wish that they had this Camera. I like it a lot better than any of Nikon's D series. It's lighter (not so noticeable at first but hold it for a while with a telephoto lens and you'll be able to tell that your hand holds the XSI up a lot longer than the D70) but I think the shutter button is at a much easier and more comfortable position than the D70. The price is pretty good and you definitely get what you paid for. The other thing I really like is that this little company, Tamron has fantastic lenses that are completely compatible and much cheaper than the Canon brand! I will say the only big thing that I wish it had was the ability to shoot at least 4 pictures in the continuous mode. I was really impressed that the D3000 could shoot a rapid 6 and was a little saddened that the Rebel could only pump out 3.5. Honestly it really doesn't matter except when you're taking a fast moving subject. A boy next door was jumping over 5 kids on his skateboard and you could really use that fourth picture jammed in there to get some of the jumping shots. That's really the only thing that I have a problem with. It is absolutely amazing and there is enough to do with the camera and learn about it that it makes a really nice beginning amateur camera. Any other thoughts or questions please don't hesitate to ask!

Steps

So my boy can walk.

Okay, let me rephrase that a little. My boy can run. He runs because he sees something he wants, he's standing up and he knows he needs to move quick before he falls down and doesn't get the thing he has his sights on. This happened today. It started with taking two steps by himself and then he fell down. Then we held up a ball and he got excited and walked a couple more steps and then fell down. Then he saw this little tent and got really excited. But he knew that he could only take a couple steps, so my boy's genius brain kicked in and told him if he moved his feet fast he would take a few more steps but they would be easier because he was moving quicker. Yeah, he'll probably be a physicist when he's grown up, he just gets those kinds of concepts.

it was pretty cool.

All day long we were trying to get him to take more and more steps. We even bought him shoes today! He did not like that one bit! Imagine going an entire year barefoot and then all of a sudden you've got this hot itchy things attached to your feet that you can't get off! Yeah, he didn't like shoes. But in the long run, i'm sure he appreciate them more when it came time to walk on the concrete. Alice had him on one side and I had him on the other, holding his hand and we would walk and then jump and he just laughed and laughed. Probably the greatest moment of my dad life.

my boy can walk.

p.s. If you ever have the urge to drink this please refrain. It's the devil and will very soon be banned from ever being sold in the US. Well, i hope so at least because that seriously causes death (as well as confessions!)

Return

Wow, it has been a while since i've been on here! I apologize to my readers (well you, mom) that i haven't been keeping up with this. A lot of things have happened. 


First off my computer died! Seriously like a stroke. Electric pulses are sent through the computer it shutters and then just dies. Then there was funeral and then I went to Jesus. Well by Jesus I mean the hard drive doctors. They are in the process of recovering some 8 years worth of data off of it so that my new computer will be just like my old. It's been a rough month trying to move on but I think I'm at that stage where I can wake up in the morning, have my coffee and just be happy to be alive. But I do have tear stains that might never go away.


Other exciting thing is Sam turned one last Wednesday! I can't believe it has been an entire year since that little man was born. We had a huge ass party and seriously felt like half of Frederick was there to celebrate. Pretty fantastic for the little guy. Wish he would remember it. But it was incredible. Alice's family came and my family came and half of our My Gym members came. Hell, even Dulcey and Brady came from Columbia (shout out to them for making the trip!) If I had known Waffle House is what would bring Kristi over here faster I would've let her known about that months ago! But the party was great and I will post some pictures on here soon!


Otherwise life is a little mellow right now but it seems as if there are big things on the horizon and I hope that I can keep up with everything to make sure that my family has the sweet life. Anywho, I will write more as the days go by and make sure to keep everyone (well you, mom) updated!