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I'm starting back up! It's been too long!

What?! My last post was like 3 months ago?! That's crazy! I'm sorry to my one reader aka. my mother for not updating this! I've been going back to school this fall and writing all these papers really leaves little time for writing other things. Although, I do have a lot to say!

I decided that I am foregoing my one word titles on here. It was a dramatic idea but really, a really long title can do just as much damage so why the hell not?!

I got engaged a week ago. Thank you. While I was getting ready for the big moment, I've been spending some time about how you get from one point to the other. and who is to blame? I'm going to spell out a timeline for you: here I am with my family that I have created. Alice, Sam and I living in our little house and having grand adventures. Wait, how did I get here? What exactly did I do to reach this moment? Let's see: having sam led from meeting alice which i got from working at my gym which never would have happened if i hadn't gone to maine which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't worked at the camp which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't sold books which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't gone to JMU which wouldn't have happened if i hadn't seen their marching band in ninth grade. it all comes down to ninth grade. that's when i started my life. interesting.

I found following this timeline really fun because I can trace it back so far! I guess that's why people are obsessed with genealogy and why I never had that luxury. I guess I had to find something to entertain myself.

I guess what I was thinking is that it isn't so much that I started at one point and arrived at another but that each point I arrived at, I had a choice to go one road or the other. I can look at each of these steps that I took and remember that I made those choices to go down that path and not the other one. When it comes to Maine, I was actually between that and Boston. But I felt that I wasn't ready for Boston and that Maine was a more comfortable approach. With Alice, I was at a point where I could pursue a relationship with her or stay in Prauge which I might still be had it not been for her. My Gym happened because I was in Maine but returning back to Maryland I was on the fence with either going full time in Columbia or pursuing a chance to teach English in Korea. I decided to stay close to my family and friends rather than live in a place where I potentially could have been completely isolated. These are the roads that I am talking about! You control your fate. I control my fate. It isn't written, we weren't destined to meet, I choose my path and I accepted the responsibilities that came with it. Could I be at a different place in my life? Absolutely! But it's not like a choose your own adventure where later on you can go back and read about the other path that you could've taken! This is your life and if you don't like it, change it again! We don't get to go back but work to changing the future. And while I look back I really enjoy tracing the path. But, I am not interested in grabbing the nearest time machine and changing certain events in my life (well maybe I wouldn't have bought that levatron from FAO Schwartz in high school...) but seriously, I am only interested in reminiscing about the good times. I love where I am at and I can't wait to see what lies ahead.

Couple of items of interest for you:

Decision Points
The Gift
Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation

Wistful

I was under the impression that crawling was going to change my life. Well at least my son's life. I was convinced that there would be this milestone that the heavens would part and say, congratulations!

I was very disapointed when that did not happen.

I was astonished when my son turned one. I mean had it really been an entire year?! This absolutely could not be possible since yesterday I was holding him in my arms after the nurse brought him to me. I could not think that my little boy was approaching toddlerhood and I've just spent the last twelve months raising him. I will say that when he did turn one we had a huge party and that felt as close to the heavens saying "congratulations" as possible.

I also thought that when my son started walking that the Mayor of Frederick was going to come over to my house to present me with the keys to the city because I had just helped my son accomplish the biggest accomplishment a human can make.

And when it didn't I began to wonder if anyone actually cared that my child is doing these great things?

I keep hoping that every little thing that he does such as crawling, talking, taking steps, throwing food off his plate onto the ground would be nationally recognized and the live audience in my living room would "ooh" and "ahh" over him clapping his hands when he sings along to if you're happy and you know it on "Your Baby Can Read"  which I add my little review down at the bottom. I guess watching Jon and Kate which is now Kate plus 8 has really warped my view on how much people don't watch my life.

Surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

I truly thrive on those moments and I really feel bad for those parents that don't get to enjoy it. It took a lot of work on my end to truly appreciate it too. I read a lot of baby books. A LOT of baby books. At the end of Alice's pregnancy I was the Encyclopedia Brown on babies! (fantastic series if you're looking to get your child into mysteries!)  I could tell you about different ways to handle colic all the way up to what happens when your partner's water breaks in an elevator! I knew the five genetic markers to look for when looking for down syndrome in Utero and I pretty much had Dr. Seuss' book  Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go!: A book to be read in Utero memorized by the time Sam arrived. Yep, I knew it all. And after all this work I've put in to be a good dad, to be a prepared dad, to be an excited dad, I felt no connections to this child. I spent hours staring at him while he was asleep saying to myself, "he's your son, he's your son, he's your son, he's your son..." over and over until the words sounded more like, "son heyore me bob" and I couldn't piece the sentence together. A lot of dad's go through this and at first it really bothered me. I truly believe (besides breast feeding) that a dad can do anything that a mom can do. So why is the instant bond and love lacking in the father? Alice once said that she's been literally attached to this baby for 10 months so it's only natural to see the kid after all that time he's been hiding away! I found as the weeks went past that it wasn't about trying to find this Vulcan mind-melding technique (quick sidenote: my spell check didn't recognize the word Utero but recognized Vulcan. 10 bucks says that guy who wrote the spell check program is a major dork!) but rather establish a bond that only a father can have with his son.

I can't tell you how to do that! 


It's probably the biggest piece of advice a dad can give an expecting dad, yet it's a case by case basis. I know that it's something that you work on but careful not to strain yourself. You want to feel connected to your kid and you want it immediately! I say, focus on the love that you want to have for your child and focus on the idea of being a father. Also, constantly stare at him. For me, having Sam open his eyes and smile at my face was the first step that I'm getting it right. He's recognizing me as his dad and it one day just hit me that I'm recognizing him as my son. And when that subconscious thought becomes conscious you really do feel like a father. So I don't need you President Obama to land Air Force One on my lawn and congratulate me on having a son (although, why didn't you damnit!) because I know that no-matter what my child is doing, he knows who is going to be there for him, take care of him and love him. My ipod will play "Hail the Conquering Hero" in the background and I'll make Alice throw confetti on us, as my son and I dance around the living room. There's my fanfare and that's all I need.


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Thumbs Up
 Your Baby Can Read (5 DVD Set and more)

It's hard to tell if this is actually working for him as he's so young still and still hasn't put into motion the whole speaking part of life. I will say that he watches with eyes glued to the TV especially when a word like "clap" appears. I do believe he is understanding words, whether he can say them or not, but he understands the action. These videos really do break down each word and help the child learn through repetition and explanation. Common children songs are on here, "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Happy and You Know it" but it adds to the playfulness and encouragement of learning can be fun! We try not to let him watch more than an hour each day or one DVD so I don't know how much of that is slowing him down. I just assume that it might take him a bit longer than an older child to learn all of these words, but his brain won't melt from staring at the television for three hours a day!

Printer

An excellent printer for the at home office. I have some experience with printers, both laser and ink jet through my time with FedEx Kinkos. This is one of my favorite at home printers. I think the actual speed of black and white is incredibly impressive (31 ppm)  and the color is ridiculously close behind (25 ppm). The thing that I really appreciate about this printer is the ease of buttons that are on the front console. They tell you exactly what you need to know without confusion. The brightly lit screen really helps as well. A couple of the Brother models boast low energy, fast document feeders and wireless networking, but their screen is so small that the simple tasks are hard to do because you're squinting your eyes to read the command! The HP is incredibly simple to use and it's actually quite light! I definitely think HP got this model right and I work with Macs! Very Mac friendly which just makes my life so much easier!

romance

I'm standing in the rain last night with Alice. We have an umbrella over our heads and the patter of the rain around us is the only sound going on. We're staring at the street light at the edge of our street and watching the cool rain cut through the light. I'm not the biggest fan of rain but being huddled under our tiny umbrella watching it, feeling it and listening to it I gotta admit it was incredibly romantic.

And I am a big fan of romance.

Soaking it all in, I really hope that there are  people out there doing exactly what we were: being a couple in love. I know I'm getting so very sappy and no need to worry about me going into a juvenile Tom cruise moment of jumping up and down on Oprah's couch declaring my love, but I do really enjoy these times. I love having time to just fully appreciate being in a relationship and sharing something as simple as an umbrella. It's really those little things. I always make the statement that the little annoying things break up couples but I also believe that little wonderful thongs make the relationship worth it. And standing under that umbrella in the dark with only a streetlamp to illuminate the falling rain, that little moment really became a big memory to me.

I said earlier that I hope other people are doing exactly what we're doing and I meant it. I believe in our ability to love. We want companionship, friendship, romance, excitement, connection. We want someone in our lives to share our lives. And at the end of the day, when the stress is gone, when the lights have gone down, and the temperature is a little cooler, nothing makes you smile brighter than staring at your loved one under an umbrella, in the dark with only a streetlamp illuminating the falling rain.


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Thumbs up: 


These are as simple as you can get! But my child absolutely loves them! It has probably been the most consistent toy that he has played with throughout his life. The focused concentration on his face as he stacks each block up and then figures out the pattern, shape and size is absolutely astounding. There are so many other brighter, fancier, expensive toys out there. This is a simple toy that really helps your child practice "get it right". I recommend this as a great toy for your child to buy or a great toy to buy someone else's' child!

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Thumbs down:

I will not go as far as to say Parents magazine teaches us nothing! In fact most of the information in it provides quite a good resource for raising children... if you're a mom. Parents magazine still cannot get it through their head that it takes TWO parents to raise a child. Personal views aside about single parents, if you live in a household where two parents are raising children, yeah, the magazine needs to cover both sides. I don't want to hear about how they put in these snippy articles of how dad came home early from work and took Jonny and Sidney out to the zoo and earned himself "father of the year". No self-respecting dad should want to be categorized like that. And if you are raising your kids for that kind of award well fuck you! Be a parent and not a trophy holder! And that is what Parents magazine needs to get through their heads. There are no helpful dad sections! There are no articles from a father's perspective. Help us out here! Maybe if you do, I won't just browse through your stupid magazine waiting in line to pay for the groceries I'm buying in my weekly shopping trips for my family!

Nostalgic

Got hit with the nostalgic bug the other day. I'm looking at a friend of mine photos of all the amazing places she has been in the last two years. I just remembering thinking that was my dream. Travel the world. See every possible sight out there. Have that cliche world map in my room with pins in all the places I wanted to visit. I think how I wish I had the time to see all of these. I wish I had the energy and the life to do it. As another friend had once said to another friend when he claimed that she wasn't in the "real world yet" "I don't have a 9-5 job true, but I have been to over 22 countries, lived in three of them, worked in four, made friends that will stay with me for the rest of my life and established at least 14 different connections of international status including ambassadors. So yeah, I have seen more of the real world than most!"

I don't know about you but that's bragging rights there.

I know how wonderful my life is and I'm not complaining one bit. The point is,  Since moving out of my parents I have couched surf, lived in my jeep (awww, I miss my jeep now too!) traveled up and down the east coast, moved from Virginia, to Maine to Maryland again, seen all kinds of palaces and laid all kinds of girls. I have finally found a place and time where I can call home again and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And even though i have declared that, believe it and stand by it, I just have those moments where I look at these places and I think of what it would be like to take a picture with the pyramids behind you, or the tower of Pisa, or the Louvre or the yadda yadda yadda! I'm a traveler at heart and yearning to travel beats inside of me. And I know that o will get to these places and when I do I will have a family to share it with. I am so excited about the future of being able to take a picture of Sam with big Ben behind him. These thoughts really help me realize of the kind of man I'm becoming and really wake me up to the fact that I'm part of my family. The great thing about dreaming about seeing the world is that now my dreams include a family to share it with. 


And that's my bragging rights.






Sophie is the greatest toy in the world... if you're not my child. But everything about the giraffe is amazing as far as the organic material, the squeak sounds (which are apparently suppose to encourage your child to bite her, idk) the smell and the texture. For some reason, my kid didn't find Sophie interesting at all. My viewpoint: if I'm paying $17.25 for this toy he damn well better start being interested! Meanwhile, a friend of mine daughter won't put the giraffe down and it is rated one of the best toys for infants so I say give it a shot. Or get a $2 teething ring and call it Sophie to keep up with the Jones'.

Review

So I'm trying out this new Amazon link that i've got going on now. If it goes well then hopefully i will get some extra money here and there. The bad news is that I have to start promoting my blog more and more and adding more people into my life! oh well, that's the breaks.

Fantastic Camera! You get Nikon people who wish that they had this Camera. I like it a lot better than any of Nikon's D series. It's lighter (not so noticeable at first but hold it for a while with a telephoto lens and you'll be able to tell that your hand holds the XSI up a lot longer than the D70) but I think the shutter button is at a much easier and more comfortable position than the D70. The price is pretty good and you definitely get what you paid for. The other thing I really like is that this little company, Tamron has fantastic lenses that are completely compatible and much cheaper than the Canon brand! I will say the only big thing that I wish it had was the ability to shoot at least 4 pictures in the continuous mode. I was really impressed that the D3000 could shoot a rapid 6 and was a little saddened that the Rebel could only pump out 3.5. Honestly it really doesn't matter except when you're taking a fast moving subject. A boy next door was jumping over 5 kids on his skateboard and you could really use that fourth picture jammed in there to get some of the jumping shots. That's really the only thing that I have a problem with. It is absolutely amazing and there is enough to do with the camera and learn about it that it makes a really nice beginning amateur camera. Any other thoughts or questions please don't hesitate to ask!

Steps

So my boy can walk.

Okay, let me rephrase that a little. My boy can run. He runs because he sees something he wants, he's standing up and he knows he needs to move quick before he falls down and doesn't get the thing he has his sights on. This happened today. It started with taking two steps by himself and then he fell down. Then we held up a ball and he got excited and walked a couple more steps and then fell down. Then he saw this little tent and got really excited. But he knew that he could only take a couple steps, so my boy's genius brain kicked in and told him if he moved his feet fast he would take a few more steps but they would be easier because he was moving quicker. Yeah, he'll probably be a physicist when he's grown up, he just gets those kinds of concepts.

it was pretty cool.

All day long we were trying to get him to take more and more steps. We even bought him shoes today! He did not like that one bit! Imagine going an entire year barefoot and then all of a sudden you've got this hot itchy things attached to your feet that you can't get off! Yeah, he didn't like shoes. But in the long run, i'm sure he appreciate them more when it came time to walk on the concrete. Alice had him on one side and I had him on the other, holding his hand and we would walk and then jump and he just laughed and laughed. Probably the greatest moment of my dad life.

my boy can walk.

p.s. If you ever have the urge to drink this please refrain. It's the devil and will very soon be banned from ever being sold in the US. Well, i hope so at least because that seriously causes death (as well as confessions!)

Return

Wow, it has been a while since i've been on here! I apologize to my readers (well you, mom) that i haven't been keeping up with this. A lot of things have happened. 


First off my computer died! Seriously like a stroke. Electric pulses are sent through the computer it shutters and then just dies. Then there was funeral and then I went to Jesus. Well by Jesus I mean the hard drive doctors. They are in the process of recovering some 8 years worth of data off of it so that my new computer will be just like my old. It's been a rough month trying to move on but I think I'm at that stage where I can wake up in the morning, have my coffee and just be happy to be alive. But I do have tear stains that might never go away.


Other exciting thing is Sam turned one last Wednesday! I can't believe it has been an entire year since that little man was born. We had a huge ass party and seriously felt like half of Frederick was there to celebrate. Pretty fantastic for the little guy. Wish he would remember it. But it was incredible. Alice's family came and my family came and half of our My Gym members came. Hell, even Dulcey and Brady came from Columbia (shout out to them for making the trip!) If I had known Waffle House is what would bring Kristi over here faster I would've let her known about that months ago! But the party was great and I will post some pictures on here soon!


Otherwise life is a little mellow right now but it seems as if there are big things on the horizon and I hope that I can keep up with everything to make sure that my family has the sweet life. Anywho, I will write more as the days go by and make sure to keep everyone (well you, mom) updated!

Stupid

Was watching Losing it with Jillian on NBC last night. Now that was a dumb show. I think Jillian is inspiring but the show just was fat people crying and her yelling at them. Guaranteed it was better than the Marriage Ref. But seriously, NBC just sucks in producing tv shows.