Crashed

... and burned! What a week! TO start off with, I'm trying to write more but I have slowly had the life beaten out of me these last couple of weeks. I have had a strain put on my relationship with my girl and my child. I can feel the tension in the room and it absolutely is so thick that you can feel it. I'm convinced that there were moments these last few weeks that someone could have rested their back against the wall of tension we had and read their morning paper. There was just a string of unpleasantness spiting out of both us and it always had something to do with the tinniest thing would set us off. No major fight just a lot of bickering and evil glares. it was bad!

And I honestly can't say that it's over.

We all seem to have those days where nothing goes right, we want to kill someone; someone wants to kill us; we need to punch something really hard or scream at something really hard, and just release the anger. I always imagine screaming up at the sky while the camera fades back and you see the rain pouring down on me yadda yadda yadda.

These were the kind of moments that were coming up over and over. I hate when I can feel a fight coming on and I'm like, "where's that escape route?" and right as I have no choice but to jump out of my second story window, the door slams open and i hear, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" and sigh, I reply in such a monotone voice that would make any Wal-Mart service rep glow with pride, "i am so sorry you feel that way dear. I hope that i can spend the next few hours fixing the problem so you can relax and be happy again." Automated. Amazingly, that little speech didn't fix it. Shocking. I'm like, "Wow, Wal-Mart, WAKE UP! WE'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG HERE!"

But the fight begins there and really when I'm fighting I see a lot of visual references pass through my mind. Snowballs rolling down hills, getting bigger and bigger until it's a gianormous snowball ready to collapse the very house i'm yelling and screaming my head off! I see the small wave in the distant water rising, becoming the giant tsunami  crashing down upon the tiny village house where i'm trying to make my point of view the right point of view! Images just spit out of my brain and I don't know if it's just the momentum of these images boiling to a greater point, but I get angrier each moment I watch the earthquake swallow the entire city where the other person is yelling at me. I have Chuck Norris fight scenes play in my head, kicking my opponents ass with my Chuck Norris punches, kicks and general awesomeness.

All I want to do is say these few sentences and then crawl into my bed and forget everything happened that day.

But even after all of the yelling and the grumpies and the pouting and the kicking and whining has ended. Even after all of that has subsided and I can concentrate on a decent night sleep, I hear the next sound that has added shit to my pile of misery.

Baby cries.

The son has awoken at 4am to be fed or had a nightmare or enjoys the fact that he has a recorded schedule of your REMs and can interrupt them right as they get to the good part. Whatever it is, he's awake and now so are you. And then after a bottle, a rousing rendition of rock a bye baby, and a few more whimpers, Sam has fallen back asleep. And then after dealing with that for an hour, an hour after that your alarm rings to start you on your day. FML.

I hope that these anger pains subside soon and I start seeing blue skies, pretty birds and green pastures. I hope that the calming wave that bristles through the land comes to rest at my feet. I hope that when all of the arguing, the snide comments, the looks of disgust get out of our systems, we will enjoy a much happier life. I need to get back to that because I have big plans that are getting ready to be unveiled in the next few months and I need to be happy and excited to do it. That will be all that I announce on that subject right now.

Alice and Sam are gone for the night (wahoo I'm free) so I'm going to bed.